Protestant Horror Show Week-Day 3

Instructions for consecration to St. Thomas of Kinkade



1) On the first tuesdays of every month, attend "Passover Meal of Yeshua Messiah" and recieve a piece of old el passo soft taco and a shot glass of welch's with reverence.

2) Spend thirteen minutes meditating upon any of the icons which the dear Saint has created

3) Wear a St. Thomas of Kinkade scapular, and recite five decades of homophobic slurs daily.

O, St. Thomas of Kinkade, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in you all my unfortunate taste. Oh, St. Thomas, do assist me to force myself to hang up an Icon of our Lord God in my living room

Oh, St. Thomas, help me by thine intercession to live my Best Life Now, and by hanging up these thine visions of the Heavenly Realms, jilt and shove down the throats of my heathen aquaintences and the hot tub repairmen that I am a Christian, and an American, and not a godlessbabykillingliberalcommiepinkfaggot.

Oh, St. Thomas of Kinkade, pray for those who commit the sin of idolatry by worshipping statues or obama, for the idolatrus Catholic and the idolatrus democrat.

And let those evil spirits, prowling about the world seeking the ruin of THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WHOLE WORLD be cast into Hell for their idolatry, because this is in no way, shape or form the worship of an idiology or a political belief or a country or an america that never exsisted. The only good communist is a dead communist,
Amen.

Here is Our Lord Jesus singing The Star Spangled Banner, and showing you the proper way to wear a St. Thomas of Kinkade Scapular.