STEP RIGHT UP! STEP RIGHT UP TO ST. KITCH'S FRYING CHURCHCUS!!
Take a gander at our first attraction:
A Gaggle of Crappy Bibles:
Feast your eyes upon the ways which the Scripture has been treated by...uhm..."christians" (and by "christians" i mean "americans")
THE PRINCESS BIBLE:
Don't you dare pull any "daughter of the King" BS, sir, inflating a child's ego usually ends up with me being bullied for the first 15 years of my life. Let's be honest "daddy's little princess"es usualy end up being "school's biggest bitch" and they'll be the ones crying on the news about the school shooting. Oh! I mean, "Enjoy your bible!"
Couldn't find just the "plain" edition of this one. Anyway, this is the
PERSONAL PROMISE BIBLE:
A Bible that literally takes every phrase that says "you" or is about someone that is directed to everyone and changes the name to you. It will also change some places to your spouse's name, and home town.
So, John 3:16 would be rended "For God so loved Frank that He gave His only begotten Son, so that Frank believing in Him would not perish but have everlasting life" Which I guess is a nice way of putting it and I can see that...but...To whom God was pleased to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in Frank, the hope of glory. Col. 1:27
If the Bible has taught me anything...it's that it's NOT ABOUT ME. They don't have a free sample of Mat. 25 or James 2, which I'm sure "You see that a Frank is not justified by Frank alone" not to mention after a while all of the pages seem to say the equivalent of "God was pleased to Frank in Frank and Franking Franked the Franking Franker of Frank in Frankington"
The "MANGA MESSIAH" featuring all 4 Gospels put in graphic novel form.
I have an embarssing secret to tell you. I own this. It was given to me as a gift, and I'm not going to lie it's actually kind of neat. That being said, the BVM is rendered into Celia from Harvest Moon and spends all her time running around going "GAAH!^__^" And also: about 99 precent of this manga thing is just "look at how hot Jesus is!"
And finally, THE MESSAGE BIBLE or: HOW IN THE F*CK DID YOU GET THERE? Bible
Now, ok, I get the idea of having the Bible in contemp. language, because that's what it was written in originally. People talked in old english at one time, right?
Anyway, as a person who has taken and nearly failed a Greek class (which means I can now THROW MY OPINION AT SOMEONE and attatch "Greek class" at the end of it and it's credible. So suck it, James White.)I know the Message is kind of BS...let's take a look at some of their finest examples of "contemporary" language:
KJV (because it's beside me and I don't feel like getting up):Blessed is the man that hath not walked in the consel of the ungodly, nor stood in the way of sinners, and hath not sat in the seat of the scornful
Message: How well God must like you - you don't hang out at Sin Saloon, you don't slink along Dead-End Road, you don't go to Smart-Mouth College
NOT. EVEN. KIDDING. (And I do go to smart-mouth college. It's called "Your mom" and it said "you're ugly")
Thank God there is not Message apocrapha, else "Bel and the Dragon" would be rendered "Belle and the Boogeyman"