"And Jesus, turning unto His followers, did say "I'm out of here. For reals. You have no idea how bad i've wanted to get out of here for the past 30 years. You guys suck, really. I mean...Peter, come on. My mom's the only cool one here. She's the only one that gets me...OH SERIOUSLY THOMAS ARE YOU DOUBTING RIGHT NOW?" and Thomas replied replying "Lord, thou seemest grumpy." and Jesus spake saying "Going up!" and did snap His fingers up into the heavens like unto Sabrina the Teenaged Witch. And Lo, from Heaven came a choir of winged baby heads, along with a Great Big Sea cover band, and He did ascend upwards into the Heavens to be seated at the right hand of the Father. And all the disciples did sneaky peek up His dress. And Jesus cried out "Oh, yeah, and I'm with you always and all that junk."
Amen, Amen, Amen.
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