Saturday, June 12, 2010

Welcome to Heaven

Oh no.

Today, I was awakened by my dear mama saying "I bought you something at the dollar store yesterday!" and i'm thinking maybe a pack of gum or....I don't know....
Then she opened the door and handed me, literally, a peice of Heaven itself.

Give it a minute.
They are Jesusy car air fresheners.

Now...ok let me walk you through it

They are called "Sacred Scents", with 3 air fresheners (for only a dollar, that's actually a good deal...) one of a Cross, one of Sallman's "Head of Christ" and one of Our Lady of (of course!) Guadaloupe!

The scent they have given them is called "Saintly Cinnamon" but I think it smells more like an accident at a chemical factory. I wish I was joking, it's ALMOST cinnamon but it's just far enough off from it that it's a little vomit-inducing. So I open the package and already am a little nervous since the smell is going through the plastic bag. I decide to open the one of the Virgin since she is, lets be honest, queen of all kitsch.

Ok at this point I'm vomitting. I've never smelled anything as strong as this chemical cinamon smell. I feel holier already since I'm desperatly thankful to our Lord for my 18 years of non-chemical soaked breathing.
Thar she blows

So I hold it up to the light in hopes that maybe I can get a half-way decent looking picture but when the wind hit it...I'm not even joking, ALL the smell left it. It is just totally scent-less...well almost scentless, but compaired to what it was literally 30 seconds before a gentle breeze hit it, it's empty.
Here it is, tied to my blind's draw string, keeping my statue of The Sacred Heart company.

Just realized that the back of the package has a description of the product, and it's funnier than anything I could even think of

"Withing the busy and confusing moments of everyday life, there are times we want to be grounded by our faith and have peaceful reminders. Now, with Sacred Scents (TM), you can find that quiet time while at the same time, your car is being gently refresehd with one our six heavenly scents"
Not a type-o, "One our six" is actually on it.

(no where does it say "DO NOT BREATHE NEXT TO THIS OBJECT" which I think should be in 72 sized font and read.)
Hang freely. Do not hang where the driver's view will be obstructed
Avoid contact with any surfaces in order to avoid staining (oh sh!t.)
Replace with a fresh Sacred Scents(TM) air freshener when the scent can no longer be detected.
CAUTION: Keep out of reach of children and pets (also, humans in general) Keep away from fod and drink. Do not set on wood surfaces (oh, crap) Contact with the fragrance may cause eye or skin irritation. If this occurs, rinse thoroughly with water."

If I ever get around to having a readership where I can have contests, the prize will be this.

No comments:

Post a Comment