Down the Rabbit Hole!

Down the rabbit hole and through the looking glass it's time for your daily dose of crazy!

So as I was attempting to find some pretty pictures of Our Lady (as I am wont to do.) on google I discovered a picture of Our Lady of La Salette with the pope on the other side and I thought "hey I run a bitchy blog lets see what this is"

If you thought the obsessed-with-the-third-secret-of-fatima gang were scary....

Listen, I'd love to be all up into Catholic conspiracy theories like the real pope in hiding in Italy or that the third secret was never revealed or that Fr. Corapi is an alien (or something, what the hell happened there any way?) but I just don't have time.  But these people...ok I'll just pop some quotes down here

"The 1944 Holy Ghost/holy spirit Judeo-Masonic Sacramental curse and the androgynous effects were taking off in WWII and further provoked by Masonic government propaganda"


"Judeo-Masonic Anti-Pope John Paul II actually did this in a little known ceremony in March, 2004: Obeying the command of this April 21, 2010 Third Secret, John Paul II transfers remains of St. Peter from the Vatican to Fatima in a symbolic admission that the Vatican no longer has the Apostolic Authority."

Did you know that praying the 5 "Our Father's" is actually Satanic?  I guess that Jesus fellow and His writing prayers was severely misguided since He didn't listen to Our Lady of Fatima.

"This woman is not Sr. Lucy, but a phony Sr. Lucy that was implanted and specially picked to serve the purpose of the false Fatima line and the Vatican II religion that has been foisted on the world since the Fuentes interview. In addition to the photographic evidence, the fact that the post-Vatican II “Sr. Lucy” is not the real Lucy screams out all over the place."

I'M IN HEAVEN!  God I love crazy people!  Is this Kitsch?  I don't even know, it might be too much to be kitsch who knows, who cares this is HILARIOUS!

Why does this exist?

This comes to us from reader Laura from Germany.

Somewhere in the world.  Someone thought "hey you know what'd be cool?" and no one stopped them from completing the task.

Somewhere in the world

Somewhere in the world, a woman named Kim suggested this be on her tombstone.  And no one stopped her.  

I can't even begin to say anything about this.  It's just.  I can't.

Those with suicidal tendencies should maybe not watch

Uh...amber alert amber alter.  I really doubt those children are there because they want to be.  Seriously this has child molestation written all over it.
Oh, and you'll refer to your time before hearing this song as "the good ol' days" because it's never leaving your head. You're welcome.

Another reader submitted entry!

I think this is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen, and I watch reality TV on a regular basis.

This comes from an anonymous Benedictine Monk, who I'm sure might end up in a little bit of trouble using the internet for judging when he should probably be somewhere praying or...I don't know...monking or something.

Anyway

According to him, this is a shop in Fatima (oh, boy I can see where this is going) where he states " the plan is you get cured of an ailment and leave a wax model of the cured part, yes that is what you think it is! There is obviously no curing male ailments unless they are under the counter!"

Ok, besides being a little witch crafty, and a little creepy, and a little on the rocky-horror side with the wax breast on display...and...wait what was I talking about?  Sorry, I got distracted by the dismembered wax body on display.

Thanks Brother *Secret Name*!

I Beg Your Pardon?

Never before has so little been said so loudly.

Wait.

Is that...
no...could it be?

IS SHE THE LITURGICAL DANCER IN THIS ABOMINATION?

I can only hope there is a person out there with that much crazy in them....

This needs to be brought to your attention again

The most blasphemous blackest black mass that ever there was, enough that I'm surprised that God didn't actually send fire and brimstone from Heaven.  Now that I have a mini-secure following, y'all need to see the garbage among garbage of liturgical abuses.  And if you've already seen this, enjoy it again.  Keep a bucket near.

What the heck did I just watch?

My head has like turned all the way around like a pug hearing a high pitched noise

Reader Submitted Entry! And the Worst thing I've ever seen.

The worst thing that ever there was.  This comes from Scott and Gail Finke.  Who say


"truly hideous!!!! Who would want this???!!!

Look at the weird Jesus in the wreckage of the towers! WHO IN THE WORLD thought this up???"

Ok, slow down judgey.  What they're talking about is...

The 9/11 Rosary.  Which, I think is an appropriate name for it considering it appears to be an act of religious terrorism.

Yes, it's a Rosary which commemorates the horror of sadness of the attacks of september 11th by worshiping the act as some kind of strange American religion holiday, equating the crucifixion of Our Lord with a tragic attack using the crucifix and beads.  The Crucifix is the "Cross" that was found in the wreckage.  Now, ok, here's the deal, I'm all for the ground zero cross because it was/is a sign that God identifies with suffering, not because He's watched it, but because He felt it.  But.  Ok, you DONT GET TO REPLACE THE CRUCIFIX WITH IT. 

Each of the 50 beads has a name of a state on them.  The OF beads have OL of Grace.  It doesn't feel like idolatry at all.

And this is the center medal.  Which appears to be Jesus BURSTING out of the twin towers wreckage like it was some sort of weird egg He was incubating in.

Congrats, Ghirelli's 9/11 Remembrance Rosary, you are officially the most horrifying thing I've ever seen.

But it here for the person you hate more than anyone else.

The Sainty for Most Bizarre Mortification

Deny thyself, take up thy cross and follow me...yes yes mortification is all well and good however there are some saints that make you...uhm...shall we say...gag a bit?

Anyway, the Sainty for the most bizarre mortification goes to...

ST. ROSE OF LIMA

for

RUBBING HER FACE WITH LYE

St. Rose of Lima did not want to be pretty.  Out of a desire to protect those around her from the sin of lust, she rubbed lye all over herself, particularly her face.  She also did other WTF acts of penance such as holding her hands in a fire, sleeping on a bed of bricks, she also once cut off all her hair and rubbed pepper in her eyes to distract her suitors.  Well, at least she's comfy now.  The sainty for the most bizarre mortification is all yours, Rosey!

p.s. if you want to know what your skin would look like if you rubbed lye on it, click here.  I wouldn't gross all of you out by just leaving it out in the open.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED THOUGH ITS NASTY.

The Sainty for Strangest Patronage

This one got a lot of votes...and although all the patronages were weird, this one out-weirded them all
The Sainty goes to...

St. Martin of Tours

Did you know that geese needed a patron?  Apparently they do, since St. Martin is the patron saint of geese.  Along with being the patron saint invoked against poverty, of Calvary, etc.  He's probably remembered the most for the time he saw a poor naked beggar and cut off half of his own cloak for him.  However in another incident leads him to have what is one of the more strange patronages in the Church.  When it was time to elect another bishop, people thought "Martin would be a good one" So he thought "ah crap." and ran to hide in a flock of geese (what's wrong with him?  geese are the opposite of quiet) who betrayed his where-abouts.  So now, I guess as a curse?, he prays for them.  I guess St. Martin has something against Fabio who was once hit in the face with a goose while riding a roller coaster.  

The Sainty for Weirdest Event

The next award goes to a Saint who really made us "W" our "TF" 's...it's time for the Sainty for the weirdest event!
And the Sainty goes to....

SAINT DENIS

FOR

PREACHING WITH DECAPITATED HEAD IN HANDS

Denis was a third century bishop in Paris who was having a great success converting the pagan folks to Christianity.  The druid authorities (are there druid authorities?  i guess i'm picturing a bunch of wiccans kicking him out of their world of warcraft guild or something, it was probably scarier.) were angered by this and demanded his execution.  He was decapitated and is said to have (p.s. in case you're wondering i really do believe this.  Why wouldn't God, frankly? He's got a sense of humour and this proves it.) picked up his cut off head, his detaited capa, and marches for six miles preaching a sermon from his severed head until he gets to what is now the site of the basilica of St. Denis, where the king and queen of France would be laid to rest.  Congradulations to St. Denis of Paris for the strangest, most bizzare event in the life of a Saint.  Enjoy your Sainty.  Now please send your body up on stage to collect it, your head can stay seated if it's more comfortable. 

Another Reader Submitted Entry

Another one from the devoted and IRL friend Christian Hegele.

I've never seen something online that has physically caused me to recoil in myself...i feel like i just watched the exorcist straight through sitting in a dark basement.


A rapper....singer...who looks like the Lord...singing (..."singing") performing quite possibly what might be the very very very very very very very VERY worst thing on the internet.  Period.  Case closed.  And the kitchy infant of Prague dress coupled with the toddlers and tiaras tiara....it's too much.  I recommend NOT watching this if you want to move on with your life.

Get out of my life

Forgive me, but I feel the only caption appropriate for this image would be "And not a single f*ck was given that day."

LOOK AT IT.  LOOK. AT. IT.

Somewhere out there, the worst part of this story is, someone saw this and thought "that is so beautiful."

By the way, I just got a 4 foot statue of Our Lady of Grace for 50 bucks, regular price 150.  

Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl

For fans of St. Therese that like her looking japanese, not in the least bit wearing a carmelite habit, and also in a hurricane.    Again, LOOK HOW MUCH THEY WANTED FOR THIS.  158 DOLLARS.  There's a reason I only buy statuary on sale.  

In the words of Super Nanny

This is "unasseptible."  (seriously am I the only one that watches that show?  I'm up to 22 hours of television a day.)

Yesterday in Detroit, which will supply me for WEEKS of kitsch let me tell you, we stopped at a little mall called "oakland mall" which was pretty neat and turns out I love Macy's for more than the thanksgiving day parade...didn't buy anything though because I'm cheap.
ANYWAY not important (i shouldn't blog before breakfast) there was a kiosk in the middle of the mall selling belt buckles...and...like a vision of Heaven:
Tacky Jesus Belt Buckles
The Lord needs to be right above your penis.

Here is God the Father mourning over the loss of His Divine Son, WITH GLITTER.

If you can put glitter on it, put glitter on it!

Ok there's the blessed Virgin, with the phrase..."Heart Breaker" under her....just...let that sink in.  An LSD spiderweb that says FAITH, "I Am the Way the Truth and the Life" John 14:6, for your local "hip" fundamentalist pastor, an Our Lady of Guadalupe in the back (naturally.)  Jesus being nailed to the Cross in sepia, and then a clip art collection of Crosses.  

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!~

The Bible! More clip art! Jesus in agony looking down at your nu-nu! An Ecce Homo with a distressed vintage look! The Sacred Heart! An actually neat silver Sacred Heart! 

BUT IF YOU CALL NOW WE'LL THROW IN...

CROSSES! PRAYING HANDS! A PRAISE THE LORD THING! ANOTHER BIBLE! AND 

GLITTER LIPS!

All for the low low price of just 40 effing dollars.  Merci, Detroit.  

Queen of Feet

I'm sorry, Catholic Icing.  You may be one of the best sites out there, and God knows my family's used some of your ideas for sunday school/bible camp stuff...but this is just...*sigh* ok let's walk (HA.) through it.

You know those handprint turkeys?  Pagan.  Make a FOOT MARY.

She looks more like The Queen of the Llamas to me now.

Ok, here's the deal

If I didn't already believe in God and love Jesus...this would push me over the brink into atheism.

Like.  This needs to have reparation made for it, it's so bad.  WHY DOES THE SHEEP HAVE A HUMAN NOSE?  WHY DOES JESUS LOOK LIKE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN ALBINO?  WHY IS HIS HAND 5 TIMES AS BIG AS IT SHOULD BE?   

June

June is the month given up to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  The Sacred heart is one of my favourite devotions, and that's why I plan to dress all future children in this monstrosity:

Back 2 Skool!

I miss back to school shopping where the total would be like 40 dollars, and not 1,500 for text books i'll never open.  Maybe this will make it easier.

I found this on a hungarian website.  Then I closed the tab and lost it.  Well, if they're reading they know who they are. Hé fiúk!