Happy New Year!

Here at St. Kitsch we always do things a little differently.

Here is old man 2010. With his...er...life friend old man winter. I believe the term is "silver daddy". If 30 Rock is correct.


And welcome baby 2011!

You know what

"Pope Michael" Trailer from Pope Michael Documentary on Vimeo.

Sedevacantists are just plain adorable.

Uhm....I'm not sure...but...

This might be one of the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

It's fake money with the Virgin Mary on it.
...merry Christmas grandma....

New Blog Design

I thought it was time for a bit of an update. Kitschmas is dead, so it's about time we de-winterified it.

Oh, and....to make up for the lake of posting of things other than Kitchmas here's a little somethin' something'



in the immortal words....


yyyyuuuueeeew....

In the tradition of yesterday

I cannot get enough of this thing called "technopraise"

Like...ok you know how people (and you know which people you are, reader.) say "that makes baby Jesus cry!" well this makes baby Jesus VOMIT on Mary's shoulder. And hand Him off to St. Joseph who then says "i'm watching the game!" to which she replies "I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE" and storms off to write in her journal.

Yes, this is that bad.





Also, I am always amazed how many evangelical protestants are OBSESSED with Mel Gibson's "Passion". Which is based on the visions of a Catholic Mystic, has all kinds of Co-Redemptrix theology in it...I guess they just over look the whole....sedevacantist overtone of the picture.

Not dead. Well not yet.

now I am.

I'm pretty pro-life. As in very pro-life. But....this is a pretty good pro-choice argument.

St. Fake Justin Bieber, Pray for us.

Am I giving away my bias?

And on the last day of Kitschmas

Your true love sent to youuuuuuu-----




Merry Christmas, my beloved skanks. I mean----readers.

Kitschmas Review!

On the last day of Kitschmas my true love sent to me...

One list of presents
Ten Rapping Santas
Two Santas Raping
Two Carol Burnett Shows
One 'Murican Angel
One Angry Fundie
One Oversized Jesus
Six Rubber Ducks
One Inflatable Jesus
Eleven Balloon People
Santa Conquers the Martians
Five Sledding Nuns
Fiber optic mary's
Two CHRIST-mas trees
Korean bastard singing
Sign language Christmas
Me in a nun habit
One Pug nativity
Forty Flamingos Posing
Good Ol' fashioned racism
One American Idol
Fifty People's Hair
Some bacon and Sausage
DEEEEL RUBIIIIO TRIPLEEEETS
Nut cracker moses
Mother Angelica
Christmas Noah's ark....

AND SANTA KNEELING AT THE NATIVITY!!!

There is only one more post, and then, I, St. Kitsch, Doctor of the Church and martyr of taste, declare it officially mother trucking Christmas. Finally.

Kitschmas--Day 28

On the second last day of Kitschmas, my true love sent to me....

A ginger bread nativity


An Our Lady of Guadaloupe Quilt


Oooone knocked down pooooooope


Infants of Prauge


This horrible thing


A friendly baby Jesus


And I'm not even sure what this thing iiiiiii--iiihiiiii-hiiiiis.

Kitschmas--Day 27

Only 3 more days of Kitschmas!! Which means the biggun's are coming out these days....

Kitschmas--Day 26

We're in the home stretch! It's almost Christmas!
And therefore, to prepare for the arrival of the true King of Christmas
IT'S SANTA TIME.

If you thought the Kneeling Santa was bad...well strap yourselves in.




because it's time for santa the kidnapper. Hide ya kids, hide ya wife...and hide yo saviour...cuz he's rapin' errybody out thurr.

Kitschmas--Day 25

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for carol burnette.
Love,
Frank.


Also, for those who know me in real life, yes, mama's family reminds me of my own relatives.

Kitschmas--Day 24

What is the worst thing you can imagine?



this is worse

Kitschmas--Day 23

oh, boy.

Kitschmas--Day 22

I want you all to please note the proportions of this tacky ass nativity.

Baby Jesus is bigger than mary.

Now, I know medieval theologians used to have long discussions about the integrity of Mary's hymen (...I know right? Nasty. That's the last vag I want to talk about.) but...if Baby Jesus was that big I think the debate is over.

Kitschmas--Day 21

EXCUSE YOU??

WHERE. THE. DUCK. IS. ST. JOSEPH.?

Unless that shepherd looking thing is St. Joe....
Then where is the shepherd?

Ugh, you know what, bastards, back to the drawing board!

(from http://www.tackytreasures.com/seasonal/rubberduck.html )

Kitschmas--Day 20

I felt like I was looking at a pro-life protest sign. This is an abortion of a decoration.

Note the happy kids showing you how big it is. I'm pretty sure that's the most horrifying thing I could imagine being in my yard.

Kitschmas--Day 19

It looks like all the characters from my Wii have crawled out of the TV, "Ring" style and now have put on a pageant just for me....


...

Kitschmas--Day 18

Let's be honest.

Today if you live where I live (Which, if you've been keeping track is in the basement of a cloister carmelite convent somewhere in France. This hair shirt sure is itchy, y'all.) it's a snow day. Again.

Therefore, you have nothing better to do:



Enjoy!

Kitschmas--Day 17

Ok, I'm not going to say anything rude or sarcastic or mean.



This is just awesome.

Kitschmas--Day 16

The good Lord has smiled upon us. We, children live in a golden age.

When fiberoptics were invented, I believe they were for something to do with computers. I know fiberoptic internet is expensive and works better...but then again I also am suspicious of the Wii (how does it KNOW i'm DOING THAT?)

But here, children, HERE, is what the true use of fiberoptics is. To glorify the Lord in His shitty decorations.

Kitschmas--Day 15

In which protestants (and lets be honest, it's probably protestants. OK maybe two or three Spanish catholics named maria maria de los mourtes conswela maria immolata)try to fix something that wasn't broke.

Example:

The CHRIST-mas tree. Where there is a neon Cross in it. Just in case you didn't hate your family enough during the holidays, just wait til you see Edna-Mae and Bobbert's CHRIST-mas tree. And have fun with them calling you a child of the whore of babylon for being a Catholic...wait sorry just fell into some person anecdote. Anyway, yep. There's nothing worse Christmas tree wise than that. Noth.....

Oh, feck.

Kitschmas--Day 14

...seriously you think I can top that with my little comments?

Kitschmas--Day 13

You know what,

your Christmas priveledges are revoked, sir.

Kitschmas--Day 12

enjoy, sinners.

Kitschmas-Day 11

sanctus...sanctus...sanctus

Ok i can't even stand it, I might break down and buy it....

IT'S A PUG NATIVITY!!!

Kitschmas--Day 10

So my searching around for Christmas kitsch brought me laughter, holiday cheer, a bit of rage at the consumer orgy that has become Chri$tma$,

but then today this happened.

This Kitschmas level of the following is at such a high concentration that I feel you should be wearing rubber gloves before you dive headfirst into what might be, ladies and gentlemen, The Most Holy Incarnation of St. Kitsch.

IT'S A F*CKING FLAMINGO NATIVITY.

Kitschmas-Day 9

It's time for some good ol' fashioned Christmas racism!


prepare for your jaw to drop at the following:

1:16
3:40-4:04
5:15
5:58-6:14

I'm at the very least glad they left out some reference to a Jewish kid not knowing who Santa is...

Kitschmas-Day 8

I am beyond tired today, and therefore this is about the level of my Christmas spirit today.
I need some serious egg nogging and then I'll be good, but for now I'll just say-ah si-ah-lint niaaght.

Kitschmas-Day 7

Our first fan-submitted St. Kitsch post!
Hollaback, girls!

Anyway, this is uhm...ok I've got nothing. It's the freaking Christmas Chainsaw Massacre. I've never seen something so unsetteling in my life.

Human Hair Nativity Scene @ Yahoo! Video

from Christian Hegele

Kitschmas-Day 6

Now, I know on Fridays one is meant to fast from meat...but I have yielded to temptation:


Oh Come, all ye fatties,
Hungry and unhealthy,
Oh come ye, oh come ye to Be-eh-thleHam
Come and shove into,
your black hole of a mouth,
Oh come let us absorb Him,
Oh come let us absorb Him,
Oh come let us absorb Him,
Sausage the Lord.

Kitschmas-Day 5

WARNING:
DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY IN THE CENTER OF THIS VIDEO



for some reason it's actually hypnotic...I can't...look aw....ay...

Kitschmas-Day 4

Nut cracker....moses....

I could make a testicle joke, but I won't 'cuz I'm classy.