Merry Kitschmas.

Have a good one, sinners!

Kitschmas Review!

On the last day of Kitschmas my true love sent to me...

One list of presents
Ten Rapping Santas
Two Santas Raping
Two Carol Burnett Shows
One 'Murican Angel
One Angry Fundie
One Oversized Jesus
Six Rubber Ducks
One Inflatable Jesus
Eleven Balloon People
Santa Conquers the Martians
Five Sledding Nuns
Fiber optic mary's
Two CHRIST-mas trees
Korean bastard singing
Sign language Christmas
Me in a nun habit
One Pug nativity
Forty Flamingos Posing
Good Ol' fashioned racism
One American Idol
Fifty People's Hair
Some bacon and Sausage
DEEEEL RUBIIIIO TRIPLEEEETS
Nut cracker moses
Mother Angelica
Christmas Noah's ark....

AND SANTA KNEELING AT THE NATIVITY!!!

There is only one more post, and then, I, St. Kitsch, Doctor of the Church and martyr of taste, declare it officially mother trucking Christmas. Finally.

Kitschmas--Day 28

On the second last day of Kitschmas, my true love sent to me....

A ginger bread nativity


An Our Lady of Guadaloupe Quilt


Oooone knocked down pooooooope


Infants of Prauge


This horrible thing


A friendly baby Jesus


And I'm not even sure what this thing iiiiiii--iiihiiiii-hiiiiis.

Kitschmas--Day 26

We're in the home stretch! It's almost Christmas!
And therefore, to prepare for the arrival of the true King of Christmas
IT'S SANTA TIME.

If you thought the Kneeling Santa was bad...well strap yourselves in.




because it's time for santa the kidnapper. Hide ya kids, hide ya wife...and hide yo saviour...cuz he's rapin' errybody out thurr.

Kitschmas--Day 25

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for carol burnette.
Love,
Frank.


Also, for those who know me in real life, yes, mama's family reminds me of my own relatives.

Kitschmas--Day 24

What is the worst thing you can imagine?



this is worse

Kitschmas--Day 23

oh, boy.

Kitschmas--Day 22

I want you all to please note the proportions of this tacky ass nativity.

Baby Jesus is bigger than mary.

Now, I know medieval theologians used to have long discussions about the integrity of Mary's hymen (...I know right? Nasty. That's the last vag I want to talk about.) but...if Baby Jesus was that big I think the debate is over.

Kitschmas--Day 21

EXCUSE YOU??

WHERE. THE. DUCK. IS. ST. JOSEPH.?

Unless that shepherd looking thing is St. Joe....
Then where is the shepherd?

Ugh, you know what, bastards, back to the drawing board!

(from http://www.tackytreasures.com/seasonal/rubberduck.html )

Kitschmas--Day 20

I felt like I was looking at a pro-life protest sign. This is an abortion of a decoration.

Note the happy kids showing you how big it is. I'm pretty sure that's the most horrifying thing I could imagine being in my yard.

Kitschmas--Day 19

It looks like all the characters from my Wii have crawled out of the TV, "Ring" style and now have put on a pageant just for me....


...

Kitschmas--Day 18

Let's be honest.

Today if you live where I live (Which, if you've been keeping track is in the basement of a cloister carmelite convent somewhere in France. This hair shirt sure is itchy, y'all.) it's a snow day. Again.

Therefore, you have nothing better to do:



Enjoy!

Kitschmas--Day 17

Ok, I'm not going to say anything rude or sarcastic or mean.



This is just awesome.

Kitschmas--Day 16

The good Lord has smiled upon us. We, children live in a golden age.

When fiberoptics were invented, I believe they were for something to do with computers. I know fiberoptic internet is expensive and works better...but then again I also am suspicious of the Wii (how does it KNOW i'm DOING THAT?)

But here, children, HERE, is what the true use of fiberoptics is. To glorify the Lord in His shitty decorations.

Kitschmas--Day 15

In which protestants (and lets be honest, it's probably protestants. OK maybe two or three Spanish catholics named maria maria de los mourtes conswela maria immolata)try to fix something that wasn't broke.

Example:

The CHRIST-mas tree. Where there is a neon Cross in it. Just in case you didn't hate your family enough during the holidays, just wait til you see Edna-Mae and Bobbert's CHRIST-mas tree. And have fun with them calling you a child of the whore of babylon for being a Catholic...wait sorry just fell into some person anecdote. Anyway, yep. There's nothing worse Christmas tree wise than that. Noth.....

Oh, feck.

Kitschmas--Day 14

...seriously you think I can top that with my little comments?

Kitschmas--Day 13

You know what,

your Christmas priveledges are revoked, sir.

Kitschmas--Day 12

enjoy, sinners.

Kitschmas-Day 11

sanctus...sanctus...sanctus

Ok i can't even stand it, I might break down and buy it....

IT'S A PUG NATIVITY!!!

Kitschmas--Day 10

So my searching around for Christmas kitsch brought me laughter, holiday cheer, a bit of rage at the consumer orgy that has become Chri$tma$,

but then today this happened.

This Kitschmas level of the following is at such a high concentration that I feel you should be wearing rubber gloves before you dive headfirst into what might be, ladies and gentlemen, The Most Holy Incarnation of St. Kitsch.

IT'S A F*CKING FLAMINGO NATIVITY.