Thursday, September 29, 2011

The 80's Were Rough for Everyone

As if it wasn't bad enough Our Lord got a terrible perm, He also happened to wear what might be the ugliest robe in existence, and Twisted-Sister style makeup to the yearbook photo shoot...
You know in 20 years He'll look back and laugh and laugh but for now He'll just have to hide His student card...

Monday, September 26, 2011

Coming to a Drive In Near You

...nothing can protect you from her LAZER HANDS

in a double-feature with

Saint Paul's Letter to the Phillipians! in EYE GOUGING 3-D!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Queen of All the Is Bad and Tacky

Each of the elements in this shrine, by themselves, are border line lovely.  But the combination of all of them together, then a coat of dollarama paint has transformed it into a lifetime prime-time movie version of the visions of St. Bernadette. 

Another reader submitted entry!

From Andrew Cole
who says

"Something you may find useful or appalling"

Andrew, in my book those are synonyms.
Let me walk you through this.  First of all, it appears as though the Divine Child is standing on some kind of cake, perhaps a Nanimo bar.  Second, those are child bearing hips.  Our Lord did not have an hour glass figure.  Third.  I could say something horribly inappropriate about the region about the legs but I, for one, intend on going to Heaven so I'll skip that over.  Fourth. That face looks like a pug that ate a lemon.  Fifth.  The crown is three times the size of his head.

"Thanks" Andrew.   

And a big thanks to those who had kind words to say in the comments last post.  I actually pray for my readers.  Is that awful?  This is a "Let's mock ugly things" blog and I actually care about y'all.  So anyway thanks for the kind words last post.

Friday, September 23, 2011

I am on the internet in a starbucks

I have become everything I hate.
Anyway, as is my custom, everything has gone to pot, so I wont be able to post until probably wed. because SURPRISE my internet died.  Anyway...remember to vote on for me!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

You will all have to be forgiving

Because I'm about to unleash a flood of pride.
I'm on my way to confession after this, I promise.

Over at The Crescat it's the time of year where we all celebrate Catholics on the internet with The Cannon Ball Awards, and I've been nominated! 
I'm nominated for Snarkiest Catholic Blog (how dare you.) so my very dear and beloved readers, head on over there and vote for me!  OR for someone who deserves it!

You know I've got them waiting.

Guess whose Patron Saint's Novena starts today

In case you couldn't figure it out, it's mine.

So I'll do my best for the next 9 days to provide you with all the St. Therese Kitsch the internet has to offer, and being that she is a popular lady I shouldn't have to try too hard

Let's kick this off with a little cartoon, which is I guess called Brother Francis, but  I refer to it as "Screw you HISTORY".

Monday, September 19, 2011

St. John of the Cross

As is my custom, I've managed to get very sick in the first couple weeks of school.  This means I have been laying in bed reading a lot because the judgmental shows on TLC don't come on until 8ish, and Salt+Light television (Canada's multi-lingual answer to EWTN) is in Korean until like three o'clock.  I just re-re-re-read Story of a Soul for you-know-who's feast day next Saturday, and so I picked up The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross which I had on my bookshelf for a couple of years.

Hold. The. Phone.

This guy.

Ugh, I could KISS HIS FACE.  

I won't go into detail because if you wanted theology you could go read Fr. Longnecker.  So instead, here is a very beautiful painting of St. John of the Cross

Oh, sorry, did I say beautiful, I meant Pedroful.  As in

I'm sorry, I refuse to accept that he looked like a Mexican wrestler.  

Friday, September 16, 2011

I think I'm MORE afraid of the dark now

And on a side note, I have not forsaken you, I just have more homework than any human should ever have, issues with 3 of my classes for next term and 2 jobs so sadly this may have to take a back seat to real life. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Several Reader Submitted Posts!

This comes from Maureen Brown-Petracca who was kind enough to send me the link to something I had never heard of, the Autom catalog, or, as I like to call it.  My new religion.

Here's something she suggested I check out...

This is like....point A for whenever I want to get blogging, Thanks Maureen!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Devotion to the Holy Face

Devotion to the holy face of Jesus Christ should not look like you spilled a bowl of milk on yourself before Mass started, father.

A good idea taken to the most horrible extreme.
Found at Bad Vestments

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I blame Martin Luther

This is an Assemblies of God "family ministry:.  Set your dials to "socially awkward evangelical bible-only-home-schooled children" and witness....

I'll leave it at that.
Say what you want about the pope, we've got nicer headgear than that cheap wig.

Guess Which Song

Guess which song I'm thinking of.

I'll give you a hint its this one

Friday, September 9, 2011

I'm not sure how to describe this

I've been searching for "Carmelite Nuns" on youtube for too long.  This is what I just saw

Time to go watch toddlers and tiaras, methinks.

My blog spores

Like the mold spores that are spread that make a slice of bread blue, some weird kind of defecation from the collection of Catholic kitsch has taken place and collected itself on the following

Good Lord, deliver us.  What have I unleashed?

Another reader submitted entry!

From Christi Martin!

Sadly I can't copy the image, so you'll have to click the linky winky

who says

"Nothing says Catholic quite like walking on the Vatican Flag! Do the come in my size?"
Thanks Christi!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Ye Olde Gospel Muzak.

Maybe I should have posted this in November, your suffering would have been excellent for those poor souls suffering in purgatory.  At 1:25ish "GAWD-a" shows up and makes this video 10X funnier.  I can't move on.

Sorry, I have to go my ears have both detached themselves from my body and are attempting to escape.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

This needs to be brought to your attention again

The most blasphemous blackest black mass that ever there was, enough that I'm surprised that God didn't actually send fire and brimstone from Heaven.  Now that I have a mini-secure following, y'all need to see the garbage among garbage of liturgical abuses.  And if you've already seen this, enjoy it again.  Keep a bucket near.

Catholics and Photoshop

The two should never have met.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Words aren't enough

I don't think there are enough words for "worst" in all the languages of all the worlds in the whole universe, including the languages of the angels and devils and fish and llamas and pugs to describe how HARD people should have fought against the production of this movie.  Like.  It's.  Ok.  Here's the deal, I feel like I'm watching a really terrible youth group liturgical dance that some drunk people thought they should film.
I watched a 2.5 minute clip and I'm already ready to puke.  Not just puke, like ate-a-whole-raw-chicken puke.  How many First Fridays is it going to take to undo this.
I picked the wrong day to stop drinking.


The pope and Swiss guards army play set
If I was going to have children.  The poor things would never be allowed to play with normal toys.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Vatican 2 in a Portable Bag

In Mexican-Style "Justice" Stole style, it's a kit that lets your son play priest.  Thurible, cruets, crucfix, chalice, lavible (lav-a-bow...not sure how to spell it.  Doesn't matter.) missal and candles.
I was going to write something snarky, but I think this is awesome the more I look at it.  Too bad it's 70 dollars or I'd order one.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Another Reader Submitted Entry

It's another one!  This one's from a fellow Canadian Catholic Jaye who sent me the following:

It's the Pope Pious Clock which may be the funniest/cleverest thing I've ever seen.

Another reader submitted entry!

This one's from  Braut des Lammes who has a really neat blog, but it's in German so set your googles to translate.  It's...'s adorable.  I can't say anything mean about the pope bear.  Look at it.  
She says "It's from the limited editon of a 

German manfucturer for the Holy Father's visit in Germany in September."
No, m'am, what this is is a gift from little baby Jesus with a big pink bow on top, ok, it's cute, it's papal and seems to desperately need a hug from yours truly.

Thank's Renata!

What the heck did I just watch?

My head has like turned all the way around like a pug hearing a high pitched noise

I'm meellttiinngg

The weirdest thing I've ever seen actually doesn't even begin to describe this
It's not a testimony to the love of a chocolate bar,
It's not some kind of poop-festish pornography,
It's the "Restoration" series by Edwin Lester.
Now, Ok, here's the thing, I get what its supposed to be, the deeper you fall in love with God/obedience what ever the more whole the more human you become.   However
At the risk of sounding like a racist, I don't know if brown is the colour you should have used.

It looks a bit more like some kind of terrifying dementor that is sucking the flesh tone out of the person rather than bleeding it into it.

And I know I'm going to hell for this.  But the first thing I thought when I saw this one is the lips kind of remind me of Apu's from the simpsons when he's singing on the roof...

This one...

What's wrong with me?  Better yet what's wrong with the guy that painted this?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Reader Submitted Entry! And the Worst thing I've ever seen.

The worst thing that ever there was.  This comes from Scott and Gail Finke.  Who say

"truly hideous!!!! Who would want this???!!!

Look at the weird Jesus in the wreckage of the towers! WHO IN THE WORLD thought this up???"

Ok, slow down judgey.  What they're talking about is...
The 9/11 Rosary.  Which, I think is an appropriate name for it considering it appears to be an act of religious terrorism.
Yes, it's a Rosary which commemorates the horror of sadness of the attacks of september 11th by worshiping the act as some kind of strange American religion holiday, equating the crucifixion of Our Lord with a tragic attack using the crucifix and beads.  The Crucifix is the "Cross" that was found in the wreckage.  Now, ok, here's the deal, I'm all for the ground zero cross because it was/is a sign that God identifies with suffering, not because He's watched it, but because He felt it.  But.  Ok, you DONT GET TO REPLACE THE CRUCIFIX WITH IT. 
Each of the 50 beads has a name of a state on them.  The OF beads have OL of Grace.  It doesn't feel like idolatry at all.

And this is the center medal.  Which appears to be Jesus BURSTING out of the twin towers wreckage like it was some sort of weird egg He was incubating in.
Congrats, Ghirelli's 9/11 Remembrance Rosary, you are officially the most horrifying thing I've ever seen.

But it here for the person you hate more than anyone else.