Dear Santa,

I know it's early, but I want to help you beat the rush.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

So get ready for Christmas with my OCD (obsessive compulisve dissorder) OCD (obsessive Catholic devotee)at-least-the-outside-is-clean kit!

buy it!

for those who love the Infant Jesus (i'm looking at you Therese)

it even glows in the dark for where the sun don't shine!

buy it!
For the saint who wants to be sexy

buy it!
And finally, for the scrupulous who loves to scrub

which you can buy here.

There you have it! Now there is no reason for a crusty Christian! Recieve Communion on the tongue without any self-consciousness! Hold your arms open dramatically without pinning your pits down! Go ahead and hug your pew-neighbour during the peace even though he was CLEARLY holding out his hand, after all, you smell good now!

Gasp!

This is...ok...I can't put into words how happy this makes me.
http://www.hisessence.com/

They are candles that smell like Jesus is supposed to smell accoarding to some obscure bible verses ripped out of their original context. But i think it is HILARIOUS. PLUS, I like candles, and Jesus...and given the rules of theological capatlization they will become Candles !!

OK. SO. If, perhaps, out there, somewhere, someone could find it in their heart to buy one of these for me (im interested in the one called "servanthood". Because that is some funny stuff." "MMM! What's that smell?!" "Servanthood" "What? Is that like...a plant?") I will be eternally in their debt.

I'm 99% going to buy the original scent one actually, because that is HILARIOUS "HOW, oh HOW shall we captalize off our Lord?" "I know! Candles!" "You mean like for Churches?" "NO!! FOR RICH AMERICANS! So they can pretend their house smells like Jesus" "I'm liking where this is going..."