Don't Eat While You're Watching This

Because you will vomit


Ok, let me walk you through it

A) Ignorance is bliss...well...ignorance is fury.
B) LOVE listening to a protestant not be able to tell the difference between the Virgin Mary and St. Therese
C) That is a perfectly lovely statue, how did this guy get a hold of it?
D) You know...at first I was going to talk about how silly it is that a lot (like, most) protestants can't tell the difference between worship and veneration.  But the I realized just how idiotic this whole mess is, so never mind.
E) Although the best part is when they turn muslim at the end chanting ALLAHUACHBHAR basically.

I think St. Therese is about to unleash a bouquet of something other than roses on this guy if he keeps that up.
Wait...what are the people in the crowd wearing?  are they muslims?  Wait, what's going on?  Now I'm confused.  One of them looks like a nun but no self respecting nun would have put up with that...
Hmm.  I should have planned this post a bit better shouldn't I?  I shouldn't blog before breakfast.

If He had one, He'd be rolling in it.

It's a tie-Dye-vine Mercy shirt

Well, at least you'll get a chance to explain what Divine Mercy is since every single person you meet that day will be asking "uhm...so....what...is....what are you wearing?" 

Another reader submitted entry!

This one comes from a fella with a pretty bad ass name that I am legit jealous of.


~Royston Price.~




Anyway, I see these all the time and think "I should put that on the blog" but never got around to it.  Mostly because I hate that i love these, and love that i hate that i love these.


Thanks, Royston Price for ruining my night in the best possible way!

view more of them here

they go on for DAYS.

Thanks again, Royston~

Well it happened with Vampires

If after you have finished your painting of Jesus you think "I'd date that guy" start over.

Maybe someone can write some shepherd-fetish chick-lit called Wool-lite or something and they can use this as the cover.

Another reader submitted entry!

This one comes to us from Andrew C ...



I have written and backspaced about 8 sassy comments I could write under this video.
None of them match the horror within.


Also, hope you enjoyed your life prior to this video, because you will never get that BUM-BUM-BUMBADUM-THE SACRAMENTS! BUM-BUM-BUMBADUM out of your head.

Thanks Andrew!~ Sorry you had to venture into so deep a muck and mire to find this video. I was unaware that Hell had youth groups!

Can you guess?

What is this?
IS it a napkin post spinach picnic?
Is it a baby's bib after eating a cinnabon?
Is it Lady Gaga's latest bra?
Is it a drop cloth at a studio painting over their green screen?
No.  It's a vestment.  A 1,000 dollar vestment.  For a priest who likes to leave them guessing.
And there's more where that came from...

Post-Exorcism, or horrible styrograph accident

This one's perfect for the feast of St. Carrie.  You may have seen a movie about her....she goes to prom...doesn't end well?

A Most Dazzling Frock

If you can put glitter on it, put glitter on it.

Our Lady of Gaga

I didn't find this, but it's too good NOT to put here.

Ok.  Now.  I loves me some Gaga.  But...hmm...I just don't know how to feel about this...I mean should I be grossed out because it's an insult to God or should I be grossed out because it's an insult to Gaga...WHAT AM I TO DO?

Read lyrics here

found by the crescat









ugh...just...ugh...at what point does this "relevant" and "young" "pastor" decide "you know what would be a good idea" (and surprisingly, she's not an anglican!  She's episcopalian.  That's the end of the surprises.)

A couple of pallet cleansers:

For the Jesusy offended


For the Gaga Offended
 

Good Idea / Bad Idea

Good idea:

devotional tattoo to the blessed mother
Bad idea:

devotional tattoo to the blessed mother on your foot


So now anytime your feet get a little funky, you can blame it on the mother of God's face.  Good thinking!

Dollarama-lama-bang-bang

If you live in Canada, you will be familiar with the dollar store chain dollarama, or "dollar giant" which is legit the same store.  I love dollar stores.  Because you can get EVERYTHING for a DOLLAR.  Anyway, as I was perusing the dollar giant by me, I came across the following and thought of you.  I feel like I need to call my readers something...like Gaga has her "little monsters" and katy perry has her katy-cats...what could you be? Ideas are welcome.  Feed my narcissism.

ANYWAY: ON WITH THE KITSCH!

mmmmmmm......I bought one of them about 3 years ago when I first got into my prayer life and set up an altar and didn't have ANY money for the stuff I have now, but anyway I got an Our Lady of Gaudy-loopy and it...uhm....ok it exploded inside of itself.  That is not OK.  I spent a DOLLAR on this for God's sake I expect BETTER.

I swear to the Good God

I'm posting this because it is too beautiful NOT to share, and I'm not being sarcastic, or think it's funny or bad...just...this NEEDS to be shared even though it's not exactly appropriate for this site.  But.  WOW.

Bless him

He's just too cute sometimes...

Oh, by the way

This happened.

What am I looking at?

What is this? I don't even...

Sunday Best

Well, it's Sunday, so why not take a little break from all the eye vomit and indulge in a little eye candy!


Dear whoever wants to buy me this...

OR in silver

I basically turn into this lady looking at fancy chalices online...

A Happy Feast Day to my Secondary Patron!

And along with that "happy feast day!" comes a "I'm so sorry."

Once again, the old adage prevails:  If you CAN put glitter on it, put glitter on it.

There's something really creepy about this statue...is it the chiseled Twilight abs on the infant Jesus? Is it the UFO for a halo worn by St. Joseph?  Or is it the expression on both their faces that suggests they've both just drank an entire bottle of morphine?

And finally...for the child in all of us, it's a colouring book page that---

Oh, good God...uhm...ok...yes, that would be the Infant Jesus pretending to be Casper the friendly ghost...some one should alert child protective services...

Not even joking

DISCLAIMER:
by "single greatest thing I've ever seen" I meant I thought it was funny, like the vestments and the big nun's hats and stuff...I guess the director was anti-catholic or something, thanks for the heads up blaxico (see the comments) so don't get any ideas about me, I just happened to think the idea of a Church fashion show was funny.  Anyhoo, on with the youtube video!


***
This is the single greatest thing I have ever seen.

Like.

It's brilliant.



except for the part at the end about the pope...i happen to like the papacy y'all...so don't get any wrong ideas, but the first part was like...HOLY COW.

Reader Submitted Entry!

I know this is wrong, but I love getting reader submitted stuff because A) i feeds my already obese narcissism. B) I don't have to be creative.

So, this post comes from Sarah Walsh who states, wisely,
"apparently the devil has blue boobs; Jesus appears slightly bemused for some reason"

Actually, I think I know WHY Jesus looks so bemused...

The Snuggie by ZICARLOS

Top O' The Mornin' To Ye!

A happy Saint Patrick's day to you!
Being of the Irish persuasion, I tend to you know go to Mass and pray and stuff today. And not get drunk. But, in honour of himself, it's time for a little Irish kitsch!

This would be pretty if it was 1886, and she didn't look like she had just had a roofie the size of her own head. NEVER LEAVE YOUR GREEN BEER UNATTENDED, LADIES.

It's a cheap statue Our Lady of Knock (who appears to just be "generic female saint #4" wearing a crown...catholic statuary can get kind of lazy some times.) My favourite apparition because it is simultaneously beautiful and boring.

Oh look, it's THE UGLIEST Chalice and Patten I've ever seen. Yurg. Yurg. Yurg.
As my theology professor once said in a rare moment of hilarity, "Ancient Celtic Christianity stands in cold water up to their neck for 5 hours a day in Penance. Today, "Celtic Christianity" likes to surf".
Amen.


Happy St. Patrick's day to you, and since about 0.2% of my audience is Irish...uhm...you know I was going somewhere with that but I've lost my train of thought. ANYWAY: Go get drunk!

For some extra St. Patrick's day kitsch, see last year's post which was better because I wasn't stricken with influenza while writing it as I am this year.

Why?

Why is it that so many statues of the Infant Jesus are just so God-awful ugly?

The Following Post's Language is Exceptionally Offesnsive...

...BUT I HAVE GOT TO TELL YOU THIS.

Ok, so as you may/may not know I like to make movies in my spare time with friends and stuff and recently I made a movie based on a play by Saint Therese called The Triumph of Humility and I was checking to see where the views are coming from, right, and it tell you in the little blurb what keywords are being used to find it, what sites have embedded it on etc. etc. it's pretty neat HOWEVER

UPON CHECKING THIS VIDEO.

TURNS OUT NINE. COUNT IT, N I N E people have FOUND MY LITTLE ST. THERESE VIDEO while watching a video titled "Nun p*rn xxx - Two nuns want d*ck - sin awesome"

You can use your imagination to fill in those *'s.

uhm...EXCUSE YOU? I can't even BEGIN. I guess I'm happy that those weirdos watching something that depraved are being lead to St. Therese...but still...really youtube? How is "based on the play by Saint Therese" really related AT ALL to nun p*rn...hmm...

Even Jesus can't believe what He just read...

A day in the life of the Holy Family

One day I'll make this into a youtube....but in the mean time

"MARY don't LEAVE ME HERE WITH THIS BABY. You KNOW I never learned how to change a kid---Mary...MARY GET BACK HERE. YOU DO NOT NEED A GIRL'S NIGHT OUT MARY. MARY.

ugh looks like its me and you kid...you know I don't care what Mary says you REALLY don't look like me...."

Your Jesus Privileges are Revoked

You may turn in your cross necklace, "message" bible, hill song united CD and clever brand-logo re-wording t-shirts in the morning.

Thank you, Jesus.

If I ever get married, I am insiting that my wife walks down the aisle to this song. If she says no, the wedding is off.



Therefore, I will probably die alone with 70 cats  pugs



Actually, I would be willing to accept this as an alternative, however, I am endlessly disturbed by these two...uhm....Christians Americans are singing about how great Jesus is while rubbing themselves down and stuff. Something here isn't right. Actually, all that's here isn't right.

Snuggle Up

With this. Thing. Hardcore Spanish-chola type snakes, mexican gangster guadaloupe....celtic (CELTIC?) loops and knots at the bottom for the irish cholas....
It's perfect for Lent, too, you know what I mean?

Guess What I just Bought!

This girl is hilarious. Do yourself a favour, buy this CD. I'm in pain from laughing right now, even though its Lent. Wait....shoot.....oh well off to confession I guess.


Ugh, I need a less demanding religion.

Lent Humour

Funny lady. Like, one of the funniest. I'm doubled over.



Have a horrible, miserable, cold, dark, shivering, painful, bloody Lent every one!

Am I going to Hell for this?

The answer is, yes.

If you can guess the song I've included to go along with these images before you scroll to the end...you win...uhm....well you win a spot next to me in Hell.







If that song was your first thought when you saw those pictures, congratulations we have the same thought process. That should worry you. If you didn't think of that song, then leave your idea in the comments because I happen to enjoy other people's ideas.

Monster-Ence

This is a monstrance.
'Jesus' is doing yoga in the statue.
Jesus is rolling His eyes and vomiting in the Host.


Lent starts tomorrow, get your sinning done so you have something to repent for!

"So, what is your blog about?"

This.

Oh, good.

This needed to exist.

This is a 3 inch tall glass statue of marry sitting on a music box, when turned on, the virgin mary glows while the song "love story" plays.

I can't even top that.

Is this what nuns where under their habits?

I promise I will never make you think of a nun's undergarments ever again.

Success Nun

My new favourite internet meme.

Another reader submitted entry!

I love getting these

this one comes from Carla Schmidt
(that might be a stage name, if not it's an awesome name)



Ok, look i'd be lying if I said this didn't remind me of that God-awful toby keith song that's like "and ayhm prouuuuud to be an americaaaaan where at leeast ah know ahm freeee". It will also be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

Thanks Carla!

I can't even justify buying this ironically

The Holy Face

Yesterday I watched this incredible documentary on the True Face of Jesus from the history channel. It's on Youtube if you want to watch it, if you're interested in the Shroud of Turin it's really a great show...anyway this is what they came up with as the face of Jesus

But, like any good Catholic I know that just cannot be...I mean...look how BROWN He is...this will simply not do! Whiter!

NO NO NO! WHITER!

WHITER I SAY! WHITER!

Oh...too far...uhm...m'am...can I get you a razor?