Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts

I need to bring your attention to the fact that a fiber optic crucifix that plays "Silent Night" exists.  That is all.

Who ever keeps making these

STOP. IT.

YOUR STATUES DO NOT NEED WIGS.

(a song to go along with these terrible statues.)

Found At Wal Mart

Featuring cartoon hulk hogan as pontious pilate.

No, i did not splurge the 5 bucks.

Holy Week-Day 4

This was a short little series.  But today, being that I will not be posting again until Easter since this is kind of a serious few days, I feel like I can't choose which one is the worst.

So take this as a double stuffed post.

This has EVERYTHING: A nativity set, featuring people not at the nativity, a Divino Nino the Sacred Heart...what look like mini monstrances, a statue of God the Father (always uncomfortable...) AND  a scary Jesus. Buy this, and you'll never need to buy anything ever again. Literally.

Aaaaaaaaaaand, this.

Holy Week-Day 3

I dont think there's anything I could possibly add...

Holy Week-Day 2

Are you tired of this style of crucifix that doesn't make you feel NEARLY guilty enough?  Tired of a tasteful displayed reminder of the Lord's suffering, and in need of one that will make you not only weep for pity, but vomit?

WELL LOOK NO FURTHER!

4 entire bottles of red paint were used in the making of this crucifix

"the loin cloth is still white, Sr. Maria Maria Conswella Maria Immolata"
"Hand me a tooth brush, my niece Maria did this in kindergarten to make stars..."

"Sr. Maria Maria Conswella Maria Immolata?"
"Yes, Mother Maria Maria of the Five Wounds and the Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Conception?"
"The cheeks...they are too rosy"

"What should I do, mother?"
"Rip them off."

This honestly makes Mel Gibson's passion look like freaking "The Gospel of John".  Have you seen that movie? Legit, the mother of sorrow's reaction to seeing her Beloved Son dying in agony is "ooh." not "OOOH!" but just "ooh."

Holy Week-Day 1

Well, since it's you know...the biggest week of the Christian year, I ought to do something special.
So this week...except for Good Friday for obvious reasons...I will be posting the worst images I can find of Our Lord's passion.

So.  Drum roll, plzthnks...........

Here is Jesus' high school graduation photo from 1997

A la...

Nothing says beautiful photography like a portrait with the head of the person IN the picture floating ominously in the background....I have an aunt who has ALL of her kids graduation pictures in this style...where there's one serious picture and then their HEAD just hangin' out in the background smiling. I want to get this done with me and my pug, but just a photo of Percy, then me smiling in the background, like he's dreaming of me...oh yeah and that's a bad Jesus picture and stuff.

If you laugh...

...You go to hell.



"If you are really the Son of God, save yours---"
*crash*
"Well I guess that proves us wrong."

2011 years of Jewish-Christian conflict SOLVED in this play.

Mortification of the Senses

There are all kinds of things I could say based on the position Our Lord has taken upon this...pole...but I intend to go to Mass in half an hour and want to recieve Communion and don't need to make my soul any worse off than it is right now.

So use your filthy, worldly imaginations.

p.s. i'm implying this appears to be taking place in a strip club. THERE I SAID IT. Maybe purple club-lighting isn't the best for a holy week processional.

This gives me a raging happy

(Oh, and p.s. welcome to my few new followers. Also, "I'm sorry" to those same followers. That covers everything I might say from here on out.)

Why sometimes traditional IS just better

This very traditional Crucifix says "Father forgive them, they know not what they do"

while this one



says "OOGA BOOGA"

New Blog Design

I thought it was time for a bit of an update. Kitschmas is dead, so it's about time we de-winterified it.

Oh, and....to make up for the lake of posting of things other than Kitchmas here's a little somethin' something'



in the immortal words....


yyyyuuuueeeew....