My Big News Is...

I am being received into the Roman Catholic Church on Thursday!


I'll be on retreat with some nuns in the city for a couple days, and then on Thursday I'll be received into the Catholic Church, and I couldn't be happier.

For about 5 years, I've been considering making the leap from High Anglicanism to Catholicism, and after 5 years of prayer and discernment, I feel that is where God is asking me to be.

If you pray, your prayers are appreciated.







And, on a side note.  Look at this thing.

My dog

So as some of you know, I got a dog.  That's why I'm never on here any more since I've got more things to shake sticks at than sticks to shake.
But to make up for it: Here's some pictures of my puppy Joey!

Investigative Journalism

On Saturday the 26th I went to visit my Spiritual Adviser, Sister Marguerite of Jesus at the Carmel of St. Joseph  and it was the loveliest day of my life.

Here we are with her dog:

I'm the one in blue, if you couldn't tell.

Anyhow, I could tell you all about the wonderful things but that's not why you're here is it?!

THE GIFT SHOP.  Sorry, "Shoppe."

So the gift shoppe might not have been...exactly...open...when I went down there.  Because all the lights were off.  But listen, there's not much to do in a cloistered convent when you're alone and can't go chill with the nuns because they're eating, ok?

Glow in the dark holy family.  They also had glow in the dark Mary, Jesus, O.L of Fatima, St. Christopher and St. Padre Pio.  

The St. Therese wall.  With the most horrifying "busts" of St. Therese I had ever seen. 

"After my death I shall let fall from Heaven a shower of Roses.  Then eat your soul"

Seriously SHE HAS NO EYES.

The statuary cabinet which had plastic statues of the usual.  St. Francis, Padre Pio, St. Christopher.  I bought some nice books and a new rosary but stayed clear of the plastic statue of Blessed JPII.

These are the lengths I go to for you, readers.  I broke into a gift "shoppe" run by nuns to take pictures of their plastic statues that glow in the dark.  Luckily Sister Marguerite didn't care.

"Did you go downstairs?"

"Yes...is that ok?"
(with a "the most obvious thing in the entire world" tone) "....yes" 

"Ok, I saw some stuff I like down there actually."
"Alright, good, I want to see what's down there it's been a while since I've gone."

GUYS NUNS ARE THE BEST.

St. John of the Cross

As is my custom, I've managed to get very sick in the first couple weeks of school.  This means I have been laying in bed reading a lot because the judgmental shows on TLC don't come on until 8ish, and Salt+Light television (Canada's multi-lingual answer to EWTN) is in Korean until like three o'clock.  I just re-re-re-read Story of a Soul for you-know-who's feast day next Saturday, and so I picked up The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross which I had on my bookshelf for a couple of years.

Hold. The. Phone.

This guy.

Ugh, I could KISS HIS FACE.  

I won't go into detail because if you wanted theology you could go read Fr. Longnecker.  So instead, here is a very beautiful painting of St. John of the Cross

Oh, sorry, did I say beautiful, I meant Pedroful.  As in

I'm sorry, I refuse to accept that he looked like a Mexican wrestler.  

Is that a crown of thorns or a crown of caterpillars?

Look what else they had in Detroit!

There are upsetting statues of Jesus....and there are upsetting statues of Jesus.

Not even discounted

I dont even think they gave any money off of this Mary

Her hand is in a plastic bag for crying out loud, and you still want 55 dollars for her?

RETREAT!

AN ARMY OF ST. JOSEPH'S INVADES!!  RETREAT TO THE HILLS!

.....i bought one of these.

not kidding.

It's now resting beside my computer, i'm looking at it right now.

The OWN network needs to be contacted NOW

SCREW DR. PHIL!  FORGET DR. DREW!  IT'S TIME FOR:

Dr. Prague 

Once again from the store in detroit.  A (larger than) life sized statue of the Divine Infant with 2 leather chairs, one for Madonna to talk about her new album and one for Dequanda to talk about her Babydaddy Tryome not paying child support for little Iguanerialequa.  

All on the next episode of Dr. Prague!

Kitsch Hunt

At the Catholic Walmart in Detroit, which will be supplying this blog with material for at LEAST a couple weeks they have the following:

I honestly am unable to think of anything that could add anything to the hilarity of what you are looking at.  Except that they wanted $23.00 for it. WE ARE IN A RECESSION YOU MONSTERS.

Re-Decorating

Hey y'all, thought the blog could use a little update since that blue and brown weeds looking thing was getting a bit old.  These colours are easier on the eyes too, which is good considering...

In the words of Super Nanny

This is "unasseptible."  (seriously am I the only one that watches that show?  I'm up to 22 hours of television a day.)

Yesterday in Detroit, which will supply me for WEEKS of kitsch let me tell you, we stopped at a little mall called "oakland mall" which was pretty neat and turns out I love Macy's for more than the thanksgiving day parade...didn't buy anything though because I'm cheap.
ANYWAY not important (i shouldn't blog before breakfast) there was a kiosk in the middle of the mall selling belt buckles...and...like a vision of Heaven:
Tacky Jesus Belt Buckles
The Lord needs to be right above your penis.

Here is God the Father mourning over the loss of His Divine Son, WITH GLITTER.

If you can put glitter on it, put glitter on it!

Ok there's the blessed Virgin, with the phrase..."Heart Breaker" under her....just...let that sink in.  An LSD spiderweb that says FAITH, "I Am the Way the Truth and the Life" John 14:6, for your local "hip" fundamentalist pastor, an Our Lady of Guadalupe in the back (naturally.)  Jesus being nailed to the Cross in sepia, and then a clip art collection of Crosses.  

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!~

The Bible! More clip art! Jesus in agony looking down at your nu-nu! An Ecce Homo with a distressed vintage look! The Sacred Heart! An actually neat silver Sacred Heart! 

BUT IF YOU CALL NOW WE'LL THROW IN...

CROSSES! PRAYING HANDS! A PRAISE THE LORD THING! ANOTHER BIBLE! AND 

GLITTER LIPS!

All for the low low price of just 40 effing dollars.  Merci, Detroit.  

Seeking the intercession of St. Francis

Hey readers,
if you thought posting was light before, get ready for a world of disappointment because I'm sorry to say we've just lost our beloved pug Percy.  He was 17, very sick, blind, deaf, weak...and was put down very peacefully this morning. I probably will not be in the mood to laugh at crappy art for a while.


Here he is at the peak of his career.  Slash low point of his career.
Note, disregard my ramblings at the end, I actually love him and didn't give birth to him.

IM SO SORRY!

So sorry I've been so M.I.A guys, I promise I'll get back to posting as normal ASAP, I'm just overwhelmed at the moment.  I'll make up for it

Saint Sebastion

Usually there's some subtle homoeroticsm in depictions of the martyrdom of st. Sebastian.  The artist here did not think it necessary to be subtle.

p.s. beloved readers, i must confess that it is going to be kind of light here for a while, since I just got a job and have to go for training and stuff...sooooo yeah!  enjoy what's here, there'll be more but for a little while I'm going to be a bit busy as a cashier to bitch about kitsch. 

Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony....

Tony tony come around something's lost and can't be found....

someone sent me an email called "Manga beatitudes" or something along those lines (might have been "anime beatitudes") and it got sent to my junk folder, promptly to be deleted as soon as I said "wait it's safe!" (oh, COMPUTERS!)

Anyway, if YOU were the one that sent it, could you do me a massive favor and send it again, it sounded funny....

Oh, and I suppose I owe the people that aren't that ONE INDIVIDUAL (step one on how to have a popular blog: blog to ONE SPECIFIC PERSON AND THAT PERSON ONLY) something awful

this is meant to be St. Francis.....

Found At Wal Mart

Featuring cartoon hulk hogan as pontious pilate.

No, i did not splurge the 5 bucks.

Back 2 Skool!

I miss back to school shopping where the total would be like 40 dollars, and not 1,500 for text books i'll never open.  Maybe this will make it easier.

I found this on a hungarian website.  Then I closed the tab and lost it.  Well, if they're reading they know who they are. Hé fiúk!

So, I guess...

So I guess according to these people who are getting lots of press on the Christernet as of late the world is going to end in a week.  You know what, I just survived the WORST allergy season in recorded history.  I'm not worried about no apocalypse.  Come at me, bro.

Posting's been a bit light as of late because I've got a film project that's just wrapping up (four years of work! It ends this month!  Holy cow!) plus like I said allergy apocalypse just...ugh, when you can't breathe or speak or blink the desire to judgmentally criticize crappy art kind of goes out the window.  BUT NEVER FEAR! THE RAIN HAS COME AND I WILL BE BACK TO MY REGULARLY SCHEDULED JUDGING! 

Guess where I'm headed

I'll give you a hint.

It's in Niagara Falls and rhymes with The National Shrine of Saint Merr-ezz.

Expect Tchotchkies.
Expect Tchotchkies.

Workin' Out With Jesus!

Hey fatties!  If you're like me, you've just realized you failed to meet your January diet deadline.  For serious I was trying to loose 20 pounds...not that I'm obese or anything I just wanted to look a little less puffy, and I was doing great and lost 15 and was getting compliments then I just decided oh whatever and gave up.  Anyway, down 15 pounds, but how to get rid of that last 5 to finally get the figure I've always wanted?
THE LORD!

See, how well His Sacred Heart diet plan works?

First a little yoga...

In through the nose.........out through the nose.........look inward.

Then some bicep reps

Lift!  No...look...LIFT...ugh....I'm not going to spot you if you're just going to fart around....LIFT.

Then, push ups.

Look, just because you're the Divine Son of God and God the Son does not mean you get to show off how you can do push ups on the air in front of you.  Some of us are a little self conscious about having to do them the "girl" way, ok?

Then, some dancing for cardio!

"When you call my name, it's like a little prayer, I'm down on maaah knees I wanna take you there....come on!  One, two, shuffle step, four.....in the midnight hour I can feel your power...."

And finally, the most difficult part of His workout...

"No dessert, thank you, I'm full."