Merry Kitschmas.

Have a good one, sinners!

I Think I Know why Our Lady is Crying

                             

Wall of Happiness

These are a ffeewww of my faaavourite thiiiiings !!

What is this? I can't even...

In what world was making these necessary?

 

Embroidered holy cards.  Let me say that again.  Embroidered.  Holy.  Cards.
IT HAPPENED PEOPLE.  IT. HAPPENED.

The Sainties: Category 7 Voting

The Sainty Awards is a little theme week here at Saint Kitsch in honour of our favourite Saints that make us swell with happiness God hasn't asked us to be them.

CATEGORY

Kitschiest Representation

And the nominees are...

Saint Therese of the Child Jesus

Saint Anthony of Padua

Saint Jude

St. Juan Diego

Run.

I know nun dolls are like classic Catholicism and there's more than one website out there mourning the loss of their production...but I'm sorry...

whoops how'd that last one get in there...guess I got mixed up.  Easy mistake.

Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl

For fans of St. Therese that like her looking japanese, not in the least bit wearing a carmelite habit, and also in a hurricane.    Again, LOOK HOW MUCH THEY WANTED FOR THIS.  158 DOLLARS.  There's a reason I only buy statuary on sale.  

Ok, here's the deal

If I didn't already believe in God and love Jesus...this would push me over the brink into atheism.

Like.  This needs to have reparation made for it, it's so bad.  WHY DOES THE SHEEP HAVE A HUMAN NOSE?  WHY DOES JESUS LOOK LIKE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN ALBINO?  WHY IS HIS HAND 5 TIMES AS BIG AS IT SHOULD BE?   

Back to Basics

The thing about paintings on velvet is that the person can usually not draw worth a darn.  But that's what we're looking for, am I right?! Please note it appears as though Mary's head has been pinched by some large unseen force called "Bad Artist"

"Greatest Saint of Modern Times"

given a weed-filled bathtub shrine.  There aren't words.  This is one of those things that's more kitsch than kitsch is itself.

Don't get too excited

  Relax.  Although they might LOOK like salt and pepper shakers, two saints famous for mortification aren't about to help your food taste better.  These are not salt and pepper shakers, they are Gaul and Wormwood shakers.  Now unplug your nose and eat your boiled chicken puree, sister.

Once he's completed it.

Once he's completed this rubik's cube, the pope will declare Medjugorje an approved apparition.

I guess we probably shouldn't hold out breath.

Holy Week-Day 3

I dont think there's anything I could possibly add...

Oh, boy.

So I found this on a bitterly bitterly protestant anti-Catholic website denouncing Mother Teresa.

HOW DO YOU DENOUNCE MOTHER EFFING TERESA?  SHE'S MOTHER. TERESA.

Anyway...

Some delightful kitsch...which, an I am copying and pasting...is captioned as...

Idols in Calcutta. Tasteless and wicked, an item for the truth mockers.

Ok, tasteless, I'll give you...

Workin' Out With Jesus!

Hey fatties!  If you're like me, you've just realized you failed to meet your January diet deadline.  For serious I was trying to loose 20 pounds...not that I'm obese or anything I just wanted to look a little less puffy, and I was doing great and lost 15 and was getting compliments then I just decided oh whatever and gave up.  Anyway, down 15 pounds, but how to get rid of that last 5 to finally get the figure I've always wanted?
THE LORD!

See, how well His Sacred Heart diet plan works?

First a little yoga...

In through the nose.........out through the nose.........look inward.

Then some bicep reps

Lift!  No...look...LIFT...ugh....I'm not going to spot you if you're just going to fart around....LIFT.

Then, push ups.

Look, just because you're the Divine Son of God and God the Son does not mean you get to show off how you can do push ups on the air in front of you.  Some of us are a little self conscious about having to do them the "girl" way, ok?

Then, some dancing for cardio!

"When you call my name, it's like a little prayer, I'm down on maaah knees I wanna take you there....come on!  One, two, shuffle step, four.....in the midnight hour I can feel your power...."

And finally, the most difficult part of His workout...

"No dessert, thank you, I'm full."

Don't Eat While You're Watching This

Because you will vomit


Ok, let me walk you through it

A) Ignorance is bliss...well...ignorance is fury.
B) LOVE listening to a protestant not be able to tell the difference between the Virgin Mary and St. Therese
C) That is a perfectly lovely statue, how did this guy get a hold of it?
D) You know...at first I was going to talk about how silly it is that a lot (like, most) protestants can't tell the difference between worship and veneration.  But the I realized just how idiotic this whole mess is, so never mind.
E) Although the best part is when they turn muslim at the end chanting ALLAHUACHBHAR basically.

I think St. Therese is about to unleash a bouquet of something other than roses on this guy if he keeps that up.
Wait...what are the people in the crowd wearing?  are they muslims?  Wait, what's going on?  Now I'm confused.  One of them looks like a nun but no self respecting nun would have put up with that...
Hmm.  I should have planned this post a bit better shouldn't I?  I shouldn't blog before breakfast.

Dollarama-lama-bang-bang

If you live in Canada, you will be familiar with the dollar store chain dollarama, or "dollar giant" which is legit the same store.  I love dollar stores.  Because you can get EVERYTHING for a DOLLAR.  Anyway, as I was perusing the dollar giant by me, I came across the following and thought of you.  I feel like I need to call my readers something...like Gaga has her "little monsters" and katy perry has her katy-cats...what could you be? Ideas are welcome.  Feed my narcissism.

ANYWAY: ON WITH THE KITSCH!

mmmmmmm......I bought one of them about 3 years ago when I first got into my prayer life and set up an altar and didn't have ANY money for the stuff I have now, but anyway I got an Our Lady of Gaudy-loopy and it...uhm....ok it exploded inside of itself.  That is not OK.  I spent a DOLLAR on this for God's sake I expect BETTER.

Am I going to Hell for this?

The answer is, yes.

If you can guess the song I've included to go along with these images before you scroll to the end...you win...uhm....well you win a spot next to me in Hell.







If that song was your first thought when you saw those pictures, congratulations we have the same thought process. That should worry you. If you didn't think of that song, then leave your idea in the comments because I happen to enjoy other people's ideas.

"So, what is your blog about?"

This.

Dear Sinners,

I will be going on vacation this week.

I'm going here:

and i'm VERY EXCITED but that means I won't be here to blog until the 27th, so just enjoy what's here. Thanks for visiting!

In the mean time...to tide you worldly, sinful, chillens over




mmmmmmm......