I Beg Your Pardon?

Never before has so little been said so loudly.

Wait.

Is that...
no...could it be?

IS SHE THE LITURGICAL DANCER IN THIS ABOMINATION?

I can only hope there is a person out there with that much crazy in them....

Certianly not Catholic

But certainly bad enough for me to say some things so horrible I can never take them back.



Meet God's Dollz
The Jesusy alternative to Bratz.
Once you've finished rubbing glass in your eyes just to feel again, we'll continue

That's better.

Ok, so basically Bratz/barbies whatever teach little girls about what is pretty/important for girls. Which apparently is being kind of skanky, dying of anerexia, turning into Hedi Montag and getting a brand new face etc. etc. AND if your daughter is into bratz, then looking like a junky crack whore is also what is valued in the female.

I swear, if I ever have a daughter she'll only be allowed to play with statues of the Virgin Mary because at least I don't have to worry about those becoming "heroine chic"

Anyway, since those are not appropriate for Christian girls (and let's face it, 1 in 10 soon-to-be-disowned boys.) we've made "God's Girlz" which are only slightly less slutty. Since dolls are the idealized female, let's take a look at what Evangelical culture values in women:

Long hair that could use a flat iron and/or conditioner once and a while
A face that looks like a pick axe made out with it. Seriously?! Look at that nose. I bet it's like a rejected Bratz head stuck on a less deformed body.
Pooka shells. Really? I guess that's rebelious.........wait is she wearing them ironically?
A Kudos T-shirt. Naturally. they're made by the same company (Oh, how I love Je$u$)
Book bag, because women should learn. In that book bag, a copy of the origion of species with an introduction by Ray Comfort, a book by Mark Driscol on staying a virgin until your wedding and then becoming a freak-a-leak, and an iPod with illegally downloaded hillsong.
Caprice!

Angel Week-Day 7

Evangelicals might thing all incons, statues and even stained glass windows are idolatry, but St. Thomas of Kinkade sanctified these satanic idols of the Whore of Babylon into beautiful knick knacks. Behold, chillens: EVANGELICAL ANGELS





I don't have any sassy captions or anything because I'm just so jaw-on-the-floor embarassed I live in the same world as Thomas Kinkade.


.......there's the next theme week, y'all!

The Many Faces of Our Lord

What a fancy post title. It's all down hill from there.


What is it with protestants and their bloody smiley-ass, white-as-milk Jesus?




"This dove isn't livin' its best life now!"

Sometimes, you feel better after you throw up

Ok, let me walk you through it.
This is a piece of "art" which...uhm...it....ok, I've got nothing.
JUST LOOK AT IT.
LOOK.
AT.
IT.
So much is wrong here, I can't even begin. All they need to add, I think, is the Assumption of the Blessed Glenn Beck in the background and it'll be done. Oh, and the devil making out with Obama.

See the details
here.

These Kids are Afflicted

With something called biblevision
I know it's not Catholic, but we gotta start some place.




Alright let me walk you through it.
Ok, first off, to the fatty in the blue shirt: WAY TO PERPITUATE racial stereotypes. The little black girl is late. Of course.

And yes, that little mexican kid in the yellow shirt is a SCREAMING future gay. Good luck with your evangelical parents kids. Yes my name is Frank and I make fun of minors. Speaking of yellow shirt...I'm over here honey...why are you looking off the left? Honey...over...look...JUAN LOOK OVER HERE...fine whatever.

I am obsessed with the fat kid in the blue. I think we're soul mates. I want to know everything about him. ALSO: Note the nice little switcharoo that they did 0:40. Think they can pull a fast one on me?

So anyway, 1:48, turns out Fatty (I'm going to call him Paul. He looks like a Paul.) Anyway PAUL forgets his dance steps and tries to brush it off with a smile and a nod. Nice try.
That little dip and spring finale was easily the gayest thing I've ever seen.
WHY DO EVANGELICALS LIKE THIS SHIZZ?

So anyway, poor Ashley finally gets here and turns out that Satan is chuckeling behind the three. So they're all horrible to her (GEE thanks for showing up! easy chris brown) and yet we're supposed to believe her trying to make them stop bullying her is the work of the devil and not them being TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

B!tches better back up off Ashley or she'll straight up burn your prom to the ground.
I mean
What?

P.s. Darlene from Rosanne looking girl, it is possible for a girl's CAT to be sick and then for her MOM to be sick. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT THIS POOR GIRL?



So here they are again. Once more Ashley is shoved off to the side, shall we say, segregated. And who let these kids into the Church? Some slack-jawed Janitor that probably watches them pee.
And anyone else a little creeped out by a bunch of 8 year olds singing about how happy they are the DAY OF THE LORD is drawing near? Even a little? And from :55 till like thet end of the dang video I'm noticing some SEVERE lesbian tention between the darlene looking chick and the blonde one. Who knew? Everyone.