Oh.

This would be enough to make St. Therese bitchy.

I Beg Your Pardon?

Never before has so little been said so loudly.

Wait.

Is that...
no...could it be?

IS SHE THE LITURGICAL DANCER IN THIS ABOMINATION?

I can only hope there is a person out there with that much crazy in them....

I blame Martin Luther

This is an Assemblies of God "family ministry:.  Set your dials to "socially awkward evangelical bible-only-home-schooled children" and witness....



I'll leave it at that.
Say what you want about the pope, we've got nicer headgear than that cheap wig.

Ye Olde Gospel Muzak.

Maybe I should have posted this in November, your suffering would have been excellent for those poor souls suffering in purgatory.  At 1:25ish "GAWD-a" shows up and makes this video 10X funnier.  I can't move on.

Sorry, I have to go my ears have both detached themselves from my body and are attempting to escape.

What the heck did I just watch?

My head has like turned all the way around like a pug hearing a high pitched noise

I'm meellttiinngg

The weirdest thing I've ever seen actually doesn't even begin to describe this
It's not a testimony to the love of a chocolate bar,
It's not some kind of poop-festish pornography,
It's the "Restoration" series by Edwin Lester.
Now, Ok, here's the thing, I get what its supposed to be, the deeper you fall in love with God/obedience what ever the more whole the more human you become.   However

At the risk of sounding like a racist, I don't know if brown is the colour you should have used.

It looks a bit more like some kind of terrifying dementor that is sucking the flesh tone out of the person rather than bleeding it into it.

And I know I'm going to hell for this.  But the first thing I thought when I saw this one is the lips kind of remind me of Apu's from the simpsons when he's singing on the roof...

This one...

What's wrong with me?  Better yet what's wrong with the guy that painted this?

I know there is a God

I can't add anything.  Strap yourself in.  If you make it all the way though, you get a kiss and a hug from me.

BEHOLD YOUR NEW KING

Move over "Morning Has Broken" !  GET OUT OF THE WAY "GATHER US IN!"  We have, officially, the WORST song that has ever been sung to the good God.



..........deliver us from evil....

So, I guess...

So I guess according to these people who are getting lots of press on the Christernet as of late the world is going to end in a week.  You know what, I just survived the WORST allergy season in recorded history.  I'm not worried about no apocalypse.  Come at me, bro.

Posting's been a bit light as of late because I've got a film project that's just wrapping up (four years of work! It ends this month!  Holy cow!) plus like I said allergy apocalypse just...ugh, when you can't breathe or speak or blink the desire to judgmentally criticize crappy art kind of goes out the window.  BUT NEVER FEAR! THE RAIN HAS COME AND I WILL BE BACK TO MY REGULARLY SCHEDULED JUDGING! 

I...cannot...believe it

WHY DIDN'T I GO TO THIS PLACE WHEN I WAS IN ORLANDO IN FEBRUARY?


The Holy Land Experience - CBN.com by the700club

My irony meter would have exploded
(you NEED to go to that site and watch the video there)

The fact that this place exists speaks VOLUMES about Amerevangelical theology.

But still...

save for the popcorn on the plane part....

To quote shakespeare

"Oh, that the Everlasting had not set Himself against it."

And by that I mean this makes me want to slit my wrists.



Congrats, protestants, you've made Rebecca Black swallow-able.

Don't Eat While You're Watching This

Because you will vomit


Ok, let me walk you through it

A) Ignorance is bliss...well...ignorance is fury.
B) LOVE listening to a protestant not be able to tell the difference between the Virgin Mary and St. Therese
C) That is a perfectly lovely statue, how did this guy get a hold of it?
D) You know...at first I was going to talk about how silly it is that a lot (like, most) protestants can't tell the difference between worship and veneration.  But the I realized just how idiotic this whole mess is, so never mind.
E) Although the best part is when they turn muslim at the end chanting ALLAHUACHBHAR basically.

I think St. Therese is about to unleash a bouquet of something other than roses on this guy if he keeps that up.
Wait...what are the people in the crowd wearing?  are they muslims?  Wait, what's going on?  Now I'm confused.  One of them looks like a nun but no self respecting nun would have put up with that...
Hmm.  I should have planned this post a bit better shouldn't I?  I shouldn't blog before breakfast.

Our Lady of Gaga

I didn't find this, but it's too good NOT to put here.

Ok.  Now.  I loves me some Gaga.  But...hmm...I just don't know how to feel about this...I mean should I be grossed out because it's an insult to God or should I be grossed out because it's an insult to Gaga...WHAT AM I TO DO?

Read lyrics here

found by the crescat









ugh...just...ugh...at what point does this "relevant" and "young" "pastor" decide "you know what would be a good idea" (and surprisingly, she's not an anglican!  She's episcopalian.  That's the end of the surprises.)

A couple of pallet cleansers:

For the Jesusy offended


For the Gaga Offended
 

Your Jesus Privileges are Revoked

You may turn in your cross necklace, "message" bible, hill song united CD and clever brand-logo re-wording t-shirts in the morning.

Why I'm Happy to Be Catholic

We get stuff like this when times get tough.

If you're a baptist you're stuck with



Ugh.

Visual Equivalent

The following is the visual aproxamation of what goes on inside the mind of a person getting shock therapy in a mental hospital.

That poor man in that book costume...how does he look himself in the mirror...

10 bucks says that "i'm a little praiser" song has been danced to at a toddler's and tiaras-esque pageant

The Voice of an Angel...

That rebelled and fell from Heaven to the pits of Hell.



If you can make it through, you get a gold star because I certainly couldn't make it.
I'm also obsessed with the fact that one of the related videos is the actual recordings from the exorcism of the lady who "Emily Rose" was based off of. I really don't think that's accidental.

OK I ACTUALLY AM DISTURBED BY THIS SONG. JESUS SAVE ME.

2011

Here's to not over doing it in 2011!



Oops too late. New resolution.

Here's to embracing the beauty of the human voice in 2011!

(stay tuned to 1:11 for the biggest WTF of the year. i promise you, and its only like 5 hours into the new year)

Ok, you know what...you know what, that's fine. This year we will..hm....2011 will be the year of ancient Christian beauty through the icon!



You know what never mind.

In the tradition of yesterday

I cannot get enough of this thing called "technopraise"

Like...ok you know how people (and you know which people you are, reader.) say "that makes baby Jesus cry!" well this makes baby Jesus VOMIT on Mary's shoulder. And hand Him off to St. Joseph who then says "i'm watching the game!" to which she replies "I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE" and storms off to write in her journal.

Yes, this is that bad.





Also, I am always amazed how many evangelical protestants are OBSESSED with Mel Gibson's "Passion". Which is based on the visions of a Catholic Mystic, has all kinds of Co-Redemptrix theology in it...I guess they just over look the whole....sedevacantist overtone of the picture.

Am I giving away my bias?