The 80's Were Rough for Everyone

As if it wasn't bad enough Our Lord got a terrible perm, He also happened to wear what might be the ugliest robe in existence, and Twisted-Sister style makeup to the yearbook photo shoot...

You know in 20 years He'll look back and laugh and laugh but for now He'll just have to hide His student card...

June

June is the month given up to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  The Sacred heart is one of my favourite devotions, and that's why I plan to dress all future children in this monstrosity:

Back 2 Skool!

I miss back to school shopping where the total would be like 40 dollars, and not 1,500 for text books i'll never open.  Maybe this will make it easier.

I found this on a hungarian website.  Then I closed the tab and lost it.  Well, if they're reading they know who they are. Hé fiúk!

Workin' Out With Jesus!

Hey fatties!  If you're like me, you've just realized you failed to meet your January diet deadline.  For serious I was trying to loose 20 pounds...not that I'm obese or anything I just wanted to look a little less puffy, and I was doing great and lost 15 and was getting compliments then I just decided oh whatever and gave up.  Anyway, down 15 pounds, but how to get rid of that last 5 to finally get the figure I've always wanted?
THE LORD!

See, how well His Sacred Heart diet plan works?

First a little yoga...

In through the nose.........out through the nose.........look inward.

Then some bicep reps

Lift!  No...look...LIFT...ugh....I'm not going to spot you if you're just going to fart around....LIFT.

Then, push ups.

Look, just because you're the Divine Son of God and God the Son does not mean you get to show off how you can do push ups on the air in front of you.  Some of us are a little self conscious about having to do them the "girl" way, ok?

Then, some dancing for cardio!

"When you call my name, it's like a little prayer, I'm down on maaah knees I wanna take you there....come on!  One, two, shuffle step, four.....in the midnight hour I can feel your power...."

And finally, the most difficult part of His workout...

"No dessert, thank you, I'm full."

Better than a good confessor

I can tell literally ever I need to know about you based on your reaction to this atrocity. If you thought "how beautiful!" we can be BFF's.

If I had a crest, I am sure the latin motto around it would be

If you CAN put glitter on it.
Put glitter on it.

If loving this is wrong

I don't wanna be right.

as kitschy and god-awful as it is, I still kind of like it...it has its charms....

Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder



So whenever the beholder is done with it, can she kindly remove it from her eye so this guy can have it back? Please?

There is nothing worse

Search the highest mountain, the deepest sea, climb into a 40 mile deep cave, browse through every library on the earth, peruse in every art gallery, museum or private collection, examine every country, county, city, township and village, dig through all the garbage dumps
I promise you

you. will. not. find. anything. worse.

I know what I want for Christmas

And there's only about 80 shopping days left, so get ready.

http://www.zazzle.co.uk/walking_with_jesus_shoes-167845666539156419


(it wont let me put a picture up, so you'll just have to click that link and buy them for me, won't you, dear reader, won't you?)

The Glorious Sacred Heart of Jesus

I doubt I could find anything kitschier than The Sacred Heart in pictures nine times out of ten. What is it with people that draw the Sacred Heart and being super untalented?

Everyone under the sun has this version in their kitchen. I even have it hanging over my computer.

I really do not have the words to mock this picture. I think it does just fine on its own.

Hooold me clooser sexxyy Jeeessuuuusss... Listen, I get the "Spouse of Christ" imagery that nuns get....MAYBE even consecrated virgins calling Him "Husband" in that sense. But you KNOW somewhere some 8 year old got this on a holy card for their first dang communion and was like "Jesus is so hawt. Jesus is my boyfriend". Ugh, I guess it's good for ecuminical dialouge with those damned evangelicals (and I use "damned" in every sense of the word.)

Another thing I love, Icons. But this Jesus looks like He might have adult onset diabetes. A DOUBLE CHIN? REALLY?

Ok, two things. 1) THAT'S THE IMMACULATE F*CKING HEART. 2) This Jesus looks super Jewish. What with His arms all "it costs HOW MUCH?"

Ok, Let's be Honest

This picture does not make a lick of sense....seriously, what the hell is going on?

Back up off me!

Look at this old holy card!

JESUS AIN'T PLAYIN'.