There's been a terrible accident

Someone allowed a mental patient out that should have remained in solitary confinement...

My blog spores

Like the mold spores that are spread that make a slice of bread blue, some weird kind of defecation from the collection of Catholic kitsch has taken place and collected itself on the following

Good Lord, deliver us.  What have I unleashed?

Words aren't enough

I don't think there are enough words for "worst" in all the languages of all the worlds in the whole universe, including the languages of the angels and devils and fish and llamas and pugs to describe how HARD people should have fought against the production of this movie.  Like.  It's.  Ok.  Here's the deal, I feel like I'm watching a really terrible youth group liturgical dance that some drunk people thought they should film.
I watched a 2.5 minute clip and I'm already ready to puke.  Not just puke, like ate-a-whole-raw-chicken puke.  How many First Fridays is it going to take to undo this.
I picked the wrong day to stop drinking.

Another Reader Submitted Entry

Another one from the devoted and IRL friend Christian Hegele.

I've never seen something online that has physically caused me to recoil in myself...i feel like i just watched the exorcist straight through sitting in a dark basement.


A rapper....singer...who looks like the Lord...singing (..."singing") performing quite possibly what might be the very very very very very very very VERY worst thing on the internet.  Period.  Case closed.  And the kitchy infant of Prague dress coupled with the toddlers and tiaras tiara....it's too much.  I recommend NOT watching this if you want to move on with your life.

In the words of Super Nanny

This is "unasseptible."  (seriously am I the only one that watches that show?  I'm up to 22 hours of television a day.)

Yesterday in Detroit, which will supply me for WEEKS of kitsch let me tell you, we stopped at a little mall called "oakland mall" which was pretty neat and turns out I love Macy's for more than the thanksgiving day parade...didn't buy anything though because I'm cheap.
ANYWAY not important (i shouldn't blog before breakfast) there was a kiosk in the middle of the mall selling belt buckles...and...like a vision of Heaven:
Tacky Jesus Belt Buckles
The Lord needs to be right above your penis.

Here is God the Father mourning over the loss of His Divine Son, WITH GLITTER.

If you can put glitter on it, put glitter on it!

Ok there's the blessed Virgin, with the phrase..."Heart Breaker" under her....just...let that sink in.  An LSD spiderweb that says FAITH, "I Am the Way the Truth and the Life" John 14:6, for your local "hip" fundamentalist pastor, an Our Lady of Guadalupe in the back (naturally.)  Jesus being nailed to the Cross in sepia, and then a clip art collection of Crosses.  

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!~

The Bible! More clip art! Jesus in agony looking down at your nu-nu! An Ecce Homo with a distressed vintage look! The Sacred Heart! An actually neat silver Sacred Heart! 

BUT IF YOU CALL NOW WE'LL THROW IN...

CROSSES! PRAYING HANDS! A PRAISE THE LORD THING! ANOTHER BIBLE! AND 

GLITTER LIPS!

All for the low low price of just 40 effing dollars.  Merci, Detroit.  

BEHOLD YOUR NEW KING

Move over "Morning Has Broken" !  GET OUT OF THE WAY "GATHER US IN!"  We have, officially, the WORST song that has ever been sung to the good God.



..........deliver us from evil....

Every few seconds

Every few seconds. This video just throws up a whole new level of terrible. I might be looking into mean person Heaven...

Like...I can't move on with my life after watching this...

I...cannot...believe it

WHY DIDN'T I GO TO THIS PLACE WHEN I WAS IN ORLANDO IN FEBRUARY?


The Holy Land Experience - CBN.com by the700club

My irony meter would have exploded
(you NEED to go to that site and watch the video there)

The fact that this place exists speaks VOLUMES about Amerevangelical theology.

But still...

save for the popcorn on the plane part....

Another reader submitted entry!

Another submission from real-life friend Christian Hegele



This would be...uhm...how can I put this?  The most incredibly awkward thing I've ever seen.  It's a gentlemen singing about MY POWER.  RECEIVE MY POWER. while thrusting into the podium.  And seducing the camera.  Take it for what you will, my beloved readers, but I am going to suffer more sleep deprivation than I did post "Paranormal Activity".

Oh, and keep watch for the reading break-downs that play more like the most awkward rap battle I've ever witnessed.

This is what I see every time the canter at Mass is trying to get his face into the psalm...you've seen it too.

BY THE WAY WHAT DEN OF SORROW IS THIS BEING PLAYED IN?  IT'S SOME KIND OF BLOOD-RED SKIED DESERT....are they in Hell?  Because I feel like I am.

POWER.  POWER.  POWER.

To quote shakespeare

"Oh, that the Everlasting had not set Himself against it."

And by that I mean this makes me want to slit my wrists.



Congrats, protestants, you've made Rebecca Black swallow-able.

"So, what is your blog about?"

This.

Note that this was $95.00

Q: What is the opposite of nice?

A:

There is nothing worse

Search the highest mountain, the deepest sea, climb into a 40 mile deep cave, browse through every library on the earth, peruse in every art gallery, museum or private collection, examine every country, county, city, township and village, dig through all the garbage dumps
I promise you

you. will. not. find. anything. worse.

In the tradition of yesterday

I cannot get enough of this thing called "technopraise"

Like...ok you know how people (and you know which people you are, reader.) say "that makes baby Jesus cry!" well this makes baby Jesus VOMIT on Mary's shoulder. And hand Him off to St. Joseph who then says "i'm watching the game!" to which she replies "I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE" and storms off to write in her journal.

Yes, this is that bad.





Also, I am always amazed how many evangelical protestants are OBSESSED with Mel Gibson's "Passion". Which is based on the visions of a Catholic Mystic, has all kinds of Co-Redemptrix theology in it...I guess they just over look the whole....sedevacantist overtone of the picture.

Not dead. Well not yet.

now I am.

I'm pretty pro-life. As in very pro-life. But....this is a pretty good pro-choice argument.

St. Fake Justin Bieber, Pray for us.

Kitschmas--Day 24

What is the worst thing you can imagine?



this is worse

Kitschmas--Day 10

So my searching around for Christmas kitsch brought me laughter, holiday cheer, a bit of rage at the consumer orgy that has become Chri$tma$,

but then today this happened.

This Kitschmas level of the following is at such a high concentration that I feel you should be wearing rubber gloves before you dive headfirst into what might be, ladies and gentlemen, The Most Holy Incarnation of St. Kitsch.

IT'S A F*CKING FLAMINGO NATIVITY.