Those with suicidal tendencies should maybe not watch

Uh...amber alert amber alter.  I really doubt those children are there because they want to be.  Seriously this has child molestation written all over it.
Oh, and you'll refer to your time before hearing this song as "the good ol' days" because it's never leaving your head. You're welcome.

WE RIDE AT DAWN!

The pope and Swiss guards army play set

If I was going to have children.  The poor things would never be allowed to play with normal toys.

Vatican 2 in a Portable Bag

In Mexican-Style "Justice" Stole style, it's a kit that lets your son play priest.  Thurible, cruets, crucfix, chalice, lavible (lav-a-bow...not sure how to spell it.  Doesn't matter.) missal and candles.

I was going to write something snarky, but I think this is awesome the more I look at it.  Too bad it's 70 dollars or I'd order one.

deliver us from evil

...can't help but feel this little girl is a little...

OH GOD.  WHERE IS MY SAINT MICHAEL CHAPLET...WHERE IS MY BLESSED CRUCIFIX AND LATIN MISSAL....I'LL WASH AND WASH BUT NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN 

Adventures in Missing the Point

It's Barbara's First Communion.

A good idea made skanky by Barbie.  As usual.  

June

June is the month given up to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  The Sacred heart is one of my favourite devotions, and that's why I plan to dress all future children in this monstrosity:

Two Questions

Question one:
Why does this exist?

Question two:
Why don't I have one?

It's the "soft and huggable" My Loving Jesus Doll.  "A Doll That Symbolizes the Love and Comfort of Jesus. 16 Inches tall tall and includes a short story written on a scroll for use as a tool for discussions about the life of Jesus."  

Words.  There are none.

Thank you, Jesus.

If I ever get married, I am insiting that my wife walks down the aisle to this song. If she says no, the wedding is off.



Therefore, I will probably die alone with 70 cats  pugs



Actually, I would be willing to accept this as an alternative, however, I am endlessly disturbed by these two...uhm....Christians Americans are singing about how great Jesus is while rubbing themselves down and stuff. Something here isn't right. Actually, all that's here isn't right.

Uhm...This HAPPENED?

REMEMBER WISHBONE?
REMEMBER WHEN THIS HAPPENED?
NO?
WELL
THIS HAPPENED.

Watching the following video comes with a 95 day indulgence

I'm sure the blessed virgin would be spinning in her grave if she hadn't been assumed into Heaven...



from here

Like a glorious vision...

The Lord God has informed me, by means of this video, that when I'm in Purgatory, instead of sitting on hot coals and the like, I will be forced to be a youth pastor for 20,000 years. It is a fate worse than death.

and a quick p.s. david might have danced for the Lord, but please note that that was under very special circumstances, namely not being a white person.

and another note: 2:20 into the video is the cruelest thing i've ever seen. the man in the front row most certainly won't be doing any Jesus leaning. He's about to kick someone in the "toof", and it probably won't be the devil.

Making A Revision to the Litany

Warrior Prince Academy from Introspect.tv on Vimeo.

From the world, the flesh, the crafts and assults of the devil, contempt of Thy Word, and from a shitty/terrifying VBS with homo-erotic imagery...
Good Lord deliver us

Princess Prep School from Introspect.tv on Vimeo.

p.s. if your son wants to go to the God's special princess VBS....do they stone him to death?

OH and another p.s. i get reeeeeeeeeally sick of that "YOU ARE A WARRIOR FOR JESUS" stuff. I know its in the bible but it just......in a country where having a gun is a protected right it makes me nervous, along with the whole "God made you a special princess!" which means buying them things that are pink and fluffy that say I AM A SPECIAL PRINCESS on it. I don't think asserting your self worth as being a snobby, pink princess really jives well with the idea of self-sacrifice in Christianity. and I'll just leave it at that.

Creative Fundraising

You learn something new everyday, and my something new today was something called "pagan babies"
aparently the Catholic schools used to raise money for missions by bringing in money to save pagan babies, and every 10 dollars meant a pagan baby was saved and you got to name the baby.

Come along you foul little ethnic looking creatures and let the Holy White man feed you. P.s., little eskimo looking pagan baby, there are going to be about five million Christian hipsters circa 2010 that will have that *exact* haircut and will talk about "the new monasticism" while getting tattoos of fish and drink 500 dollar "fair trade" coffee. Which your chillen's'll probably have grown!

HOLD THE PHONE.

10 dollars? That's it?! Sign me the hell up, that sounds like a great deal.
Oh, sorry you don't get to keep the soul of the baby yourself?
F*ck.
Well there goes that idea.

P.S. if my Church ever did a "pagan baby" fund. Holy sh*t balls I'm afraid I'd end up spending like 300 bucks. I'm a sucker babies of all kinds. Especially chubby ethnic.

Kyrie Elieson

Awful, awful, awful. On 400 levels. Level 1: Bestiality for children
Level 2: Making adultery seem like something cutesy.
Level 3-400: Watch it.


Best line ever from a CHILDREN'S video
"when honey drips from candy coated lips" featuring a bee, I still can't believe my eyes, licking a drop of golden liquid from a wet rose. I'm still wretching in my Our Lady of Guadaloupe garbage can.
Sorry, did fifty cent used to write children's sunday school videos?

More WTF than you can shake a magic paintbrush at.

I'm not even going to say anything, i'm just going to let this speak for itself...
actually scratch that,
is God actually Albus Dumbledore?
fastforward to 1:42 for a devestating heresy.