Another reader submitted entry!

I can't help it that I'm so popular.  My beauty is a curse.

Here is what dear reader Jessica said about this blog's motto which I hastily translated in google.

I thought I'd take it upon myself to let you know that Google Translate and similar tools are awful at translating English into Latin. They tend to give up on certain words, like "can" in "Si vos can loco niteo in is , loco niteo in is". Didn't even try to translate the darn thing. As a lover of Latin, mottoes, and snark, allow me to humbly submit a revised translation: Si ponere flavitem potes, pone flavitem. "Loco" means "place", as in Rome. Ponere is the verb that means "to place" or "to put". And "niteo" literally means "I glitter" which isn't at all what I think you meant, so I replaced it with a noun form, "flavitas" which means "shiny goldenness". The "on it" bit can be left out entirely, because mottoes as a rule are succinct and Latin has a lovely way of intimating things. Literally translated, what I've written would say "If you can put glitter [on it], put glitter [on it]." I hope this doesn't come off as pedantic or nitpicky, but when one takes four years of Latin in Catholic high school, then goes out into the world, one jumps at chances to actually use this random and seldomly useful knowledge. 


I am not drunk enough to understand a word of what I just read.
But thanks for the help!  It's appreciated! I'll be copyin' and pastin'!

Why does this exist?

This comes to us from reader Laura from Germany.

Somewhere in the world.  Someone thought "hey you know what'd be cool?" and no one stopped them from completing the task.

A Clean Reader Submitted Entry!

This is from the very funny Maureen who first calls this
"Latavio Divino"
(I actually died when I read that.)

Because you should really pray in the shower.

Scripture soap!

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

"Whey Better Farm is excited to introduce the newest addition to our line of soaps: scripture soap. If you are one who loves the Bible you know that there is always the great desire to share this love with others. I myself wondered how to possibly incorporate the Word of God into the work of my hands: my soap. One day I had an idea of burying a Bible verse into a bar of soap so that God's Word could offer words of hope, comfort and challenge to people as it has to me. And thus, scripture soap was born. After a bit of trial and error in perfecting the technique I discovered a way to do just that. Now I am offering these unique soaps here. As of yet and to my knowledge there are no other soaps like these in the world! These bars of soap each contain a unique line from scripture embedded in the middle of them. There are over 100 different verses so it is unlikely that anyone would ever get the same verse twice. They make a very thoughtful gift because they remind us to always keep what is the most important before us: God."

Rub the Word of the Lord on your ass, thanks to Whey Better Farm!

Also there is a kind of soap that has beer in it.

http://www.bemadeclean.com/scripture-soap.html

Thanks Maureen!

Reader Submitted Racism!

This comes from Judy

Hi Frank,
I went to a bazaar at a neighboring church with my grandmother and mom, 
and felt compelled to share this one with you. Happy New Year!
Judy

Oof.  Ok, let's get started.  

1) Please note the gender-neutral character behind the girl with the pigtails.  In 10 years she will be in an "intentional community" as Sister Patty of Our Lady of Social Justice.

2) What has happened in Asia that has caused both of these poor children's livers to quit and give them worse jaundice than the whole cast of The Simpsons?

3) I think that black kid was an after thought.  Considering he is just sort of tagged onto the edge of the group, has blonde hair is is just coloured in with black ink.

I haven't seen anything this racist since this Christmas video from last year.

Another reader submitted entry!

I think this is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen, and I watch reality TV on a regular basis.

This comes from an anonymous Benedictine Monk, who I'm sure might end up in a little bit of trouble using the internet for judging when he should probably be somewhere praying or...I don't know...monking or something.

Anyway

According to him, this is a shop in Fatima (oh, boy I can see where this is going) where he states " the plan is you get cured of an ailment and leave a wax model of the cured part, yes that is what you think it is! There is obviously no curing male ailments unless they are under the counter!"

Ok, besides being a little witch crafty, and a little creepy, and a little on the rocky-horror side with the wax breast on display...and...wait what was I talking about?  Sorry, I got distracted by the dismembered wax body on display.

Thanks Brother *Secret Name*!

Reader Submitted Melodrama!

This comes to us from MiDi, all the way from Austria!

It's what appears to be a group of singing priests doing a dramatic re-enactment of a high school boy's first attempt at writing romantic literature.



I doubt I can add anything to what she said:

Hi!
I wondered whether you would like to post this video – it is a serious meant one, I assure you, made by three Austrian and German priests, trying o do their best to make Catholicism or Faith popular … it’s part of a CD, which is… well, the same style, called “Spiritus Dei” …
I can’t help laughing – and being sad at the same time, as the video (AND the music) is KITSCH and ridiculous, at the same time, because of all the clichés in it – and doesn’t help to “improve” my faith in any way …


All this needed was a southern woman to come down with the vapors and be caught be someone on a white horse to be complete.

Another reader submitted entry!

From Andrew Cole
who says

"Something you may find useful or appalling"

Andrew, in my book those are synonyms.

Let me walk you through this.  First of all, it appears as though the Divine Child is standing on some kind of cake, perhaps a Nanimo bar.  Second, those are child bearing hips.  Our Lord did not have an hour glass figure.  Third.  I could say something horribly inappropriate about the region about the legs but I, for one, intend on going to Heaven so I'll skip that over.  Fourth. That face looks like a pug that ate a lemon.  Fifth.  The crown is three times the size of his head.

"Thanks" Andrew.   

And a big thanks to those who had kind words to say in the comments last post.  I actually pray for my readers.  Is that awful?  This is a "Let's mock ugly things" blog and I actually care about y'all.  So anyway thanks for the kind words last post.

Several Reader Submitted Posts!

This comes from Maureen Brown-Petracca who was kind enough to send me the link to something I had never heard of, the Autom catalog, or, as I like to call it.  My new religion.


Here's something she suggested I check out...

This is like....point A for whenever I want to get blogging, Thanks Maureen!

Another reader submitted entry!

From Christi Martin!

Sadly I can't copy the image, so you'll have to click the linky winky

http://www.zazzle.com/i_love_vatican_shoes-167690978909118508

who says

"Nothing says Catholic quite like walking on the Vatican Flag! Do the come in my size?"

Thanks Christi!

Another Reader Submitted Entry

It's another one!  This one's from a fellow Canadian Catholic Jaye who sent me the following:

It's the Pope Pious Clock which may be the funniest/cleverest thing I've ever seen.

Another reader submitted entry!

This one's from  Braut des Lammes who has a really neat blog, but it's in German so set your googles to translate.  It's... 

...it's adorable.  I can't say anything mean about the pope bear.  Look at it.  

She says "It's from the limited editon of a 

German manfucturer for the Holy Father's visit in Germany in September."

No, m'am, what this is is a gift from little baby Jesus with a big pink bow on top, ok, it's cute, it's papal and seems to desperately need a hug from yours truly.

Thank's Renata!

Reader Submitted Entry! And the Worst thing I've ever seen.

The worst thing that ever there was.  This comes from Scott and Gail Finke.  Who say


"truly hideous!!!! Who would want this???!!!

Look at the weird Jesus in the wreckage of the towers! WHO IN THE WORLD thought this up???"

Ok, slow down judgey.  What they're talking about is...

The 9/11 Rosary.  Which, I think is an appropriate name for it considering it appears to be an act of religious terrorism.

Yes, it's a Rosary which commemorates the horror of sadness of the attacks of september 11th by worshiping the act as some kind of strange American religion holiday, equating the crucifixion of Our Lord with a tragic attack using the crucifix and beads.  The Crucifix is the "Cross" that was found in the wreckage.  Now, ok, here's the deal, I'm all for the ground zero cross because it was/is a sign that God identifies with suffering, not because He's watched it, but because He felt it.  But.  Ok, you DONT GET TO REPLACE THE CRUCIFIX WITH IT. 

Each of the 50 beads has a name of a state on them.  The OF beads have OL of Grace.  It doesn't feel like idolatry at all.

And this is the center medal.  Which appears to be Jesus BURSTING out of the twin towers wreckage like it was some sort of weird egg He was incubating in.

Congrats, Ghirelli's 9/11 Remembrance Rosary, you are officially the most horrifying thing I've ever seen.

But it here for the person you hate more than anyone else.

A Reader Submitted Story

This story was submitted by "cecily edwards", whose name (until about 5 seconds ago when I typed it) I thought was "Cellie" i.e.

Ms. Celie from the colour purple.  So I'm pretty sure I read this in a slave accent in my head the first time.  Anyway:

"Yesterday, at our Salvation Army store, my son Patrick (who is four)
found what he thought was the most wonderful thing ever. Note: he's
four. And very much into angels right now. We're Orthodox, I try to
steer him away from Western religious depictions, but as you know,
they're EVERYWHERE.
This thing had to be seen to be believed. I wish I had shot video.
It's that ubiquitous angel/children/bridge scene, but the lit-up
"rays" coming out from the center of the picture are indeed lit up,
and change colors. The edge has rotating colors. It was...
unbelievable. I took a picture just to have proof this thing existed.
I think there's a light and disk with a painted spiral behind, which
gives the color-changing/rotating effect.
The best part of this - when we went back this morning, to show this
laughable monstrosity to my husband (because the picture just doesn't
do it justice), it was GONE. Someone actually bought it. And
apparently Patrick liked it SO very much that now he is very, very sad
at its absence. He keeps coming to me with the saddest expression and
asking why his angel is gone, and I absolutely cannot laugh, becaause that would be heartless. I've been assuring him that it has a very nice home now.
And trying not to picture the interior decorating of that home."

Well, i imagine, ms. cellie, they also have something like this.

Another reader submitted entry!

Yay!  The previous post was read!  So here's what's so fantastic...

.......is that...........Arthur? Like...Fern?  Also, is the ME attitude currently high on some sort of hallucinogen.  And I'm certain the 4th beatitude didn't mean "be a prude". Those hands are about to clutch those pearls...no joke take a peak.

Then again I'd be lying if I said I'd never said this about something.   

Another reader submitted entry!

This one comes to us from Judy Contompasis who was doing the "wikipedia hop" and forgot what she was doing there in the first place and discovered Babe Ruth's tombstone.

Jesus. With RIPPLY legs.  And moobs.  And also, is a giant. With a cape.  Was he drunk when he ordered this? Or whoever did order it, I guess if he was dead he didn't have much of a say in the matter...

Thanks, Judy!

Another reader submitted entry!

This one comes from Andrew Cole

Uhm...so...this...uh.....hmmm...what can I say....hmm....uhm......

There's nothing.
There's no words to express the horror. The horror.

"Thanks" Andrew.

Another reader submitted entry!

Another submission from real-life friend Christian Hegele



This would be...uhm...how can I put this?  The most incredibly awkward thing I've ever seen.  It's a gentlemen singing about MY POWER.  RECEIVE MY POWER. while thrusting into the podium.  And seducing the camera.  Take it for what you will, my beloved readers, but I am going to suffer more sleep deprivation than I did post "Paranormal Activity".

Oh, and keep watch for the reading break-downs that play more like the most awkward rap battle I've ever witnessed.

This is what I see every time the canter at Mass is trying to get his face into the psalm...you've seen it too.

BY THE WAY WHAT DEN OF SORROW IS THIS BEING PLAYED IN?  IT'S SOME KIND OF BLOOD-RED SKIED DESERT....are they in Hell?  Because I feel like I am.

POWER.  POWER.  POWER.

Another reader submitted entry!

This one comes from a fella with a pretty bad ass name that I am legit jealous of.


~Royston Price.~




Anyway, I see these all the time and think "I should put that on the blog" but never got around to it.  Mostly because I hate that i love these, and love that i hate that i love these.


Thanks, Royston Price for ruining my night in the best possible way!

view more of them here

they go on for DAYS.

Thanks again, Royston~

Another reader submitted entry!

This one comes to us from Andrew C ...



I have written and backspaced about 8 sassy comments I could write under this video.
None of them match the horror within.


Also, hope you enjoyed your life prior to this video, because you will never get that BUM-BUM-BUMBADUM-THE SACRAMENTS! BUM-BUM-BUMBADUM out of your head.

Thanks Andrew!~ Sorry you had to venture into so deep a muck and mire to find this video. I was unaware that Hell had youth groups!

Another reader submitted entry!

I love getting these

this one comes from Carla Schmidt
(that might be a stage name, if not it's an awesome name)



Ok, look i'd be lying if I said this didn't remind me of that God-awful toby keith song that's like "and ayhm prouuuuud to be an americaaaaan where at leeast ah know ahm freeee". It will also be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

Thanks Carla!