Anglicans Attempting to be Cool

WARNING.
The following videos present Anglicans trying to be cool. I apologize on behalf of the Anglican Church, and will say 8,000 Hail Mary's in reparation.





Y'all ain't got sh!t on

Kitschmas-Day 3

This is like porn for me.

Christmas porn. XXXmas.
Skip to 8:35 to the Kitschmas overload.



WHERE IS MY PHONE? WHERE IS MY CREDIT CARD! I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT.

Watching the following video comes with a 95 day indulgence

I'm sure the blessed virgin would be spinning in her grave if she hadn't been assumed into Heaven...



from here

There are no words

Except for maybe "ugly"

I've been on a Therese kick

as of late because i recently visited her shrine in niagara. Got to see some hardcore relics of her (hair, story of a soul...like it's a pretty important place)
she was one holy lady.

anyway, here's a picture of the kitchiest thing they had down there (other than in the gift shop. oh, lawd, the gift shop.)


bathtub shrine + pebbles + other people's rosaries hanging off her neck + dead roses + dollarama fake roses + candles with old people's photo's taped to them = a good day.

uuuuugugghhhhhhh i wish i was still THERE!

Where's my bank card?

I'd be the sucker paying 14 dollars each for both of these lamps.

Seriously, does it get any better?

Only if it played "Ave Maria" on a loop when you turned it on.

Welcome to Heaven

Oh no.

Today, I was awakened by my dear mama saying "I bought you something at the dollar store yesterday!" and i'm thinking maybe a pack of gum or....I don't know....
Then she opened the door and handed me, literally, a peice of Heaven itself.

Give it a minute.
They are Jesusy car air fresheners.

Now...ok let me walk you through it


They are called "Sacred Scents", with 3 air fresheners (for only a dollar, that's actually a good deal...) one of a Cross, one of Sallman's "Head of Christ" and one of Our Lady of (of course!) Guadaloupe!

The scent they have given them is called "Saintly Cinnamon" but I think it smells more like an accident at a chemical factory. I wish I was joking, but...like it's ALMOST cinnamon but it's just far enough off from it that it's a little vomit-inducing. So I open the package and already am a little nervous since the smell is going through the plastic bag. I decide to open the one of the Virgin since she is, lets be honest, queen of all kitsch.

Ok at this point I'm vomitting. I've never smelled anything as strong as this chemical cinamon smell. I feel holier already since I'm desperatly thankful to our Lord for my 18 years of non-chemical soaked breathing.
Thar she blows

So I hold it up to the light in hopes that maybe I can get a half-way decent looking picture but when the wind hit it...I'm not even joking, ALL the smell left it. It is just totally scent-less...well almost scentless, but compaired to what it was literally 30 seconds before a gentle breeze hit it, it's empty.
WTH
Here it is, tied to my blind's draw string, keeping my statue of The Sacred Heart company.

***ALSO***
Just realized that the back of the package has a description of the product, and it's funnier than anything I could even think of

"Withing the busy and confusing moments of everyday life, there are times we want to be grounded by our faith and have peaceful reminders. Now, with Sacred Scents (TM), you can find that quiet time while at the same time, your car is being gently refresehd with one our six heavenly scents"
Not a type-o, "One our six" is actually on it.

DIRECTIONS FOR USE
(no where does it say "DO NOT BREATHE NEXT TO THIS OBJECT" which I think should be in 72 sized font and read.)
Hang freely. Do not hang where the driver's view will be obstructed
Avoid contact with any surfaces in order to avoid staining (oh sh!t.)
Replace with a fresh Sacred Scents(TM) air freshener when the scent can no longer be detected.
CAUTION: Keep out of reach of children and pets (also, humans in general) Keep away from fod and drink. Do not set on wood surfaces (oh, crap) Contact with the fragrance may cause eye or skin irritation. If this occurs, rinse thoroughly with water."

If I ever get around to having a readership where I can have contests, the prize will be this.

Catholics Do It Better

For Example:

"The Lord's Supper"

The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass

___________________________________________________________________

Rick Warren

Teresa of Avila

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Queen of England

Queen of Heaven

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Praise Band


Praise Life

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Angry Fundamentalist Lutheran Radio


The Pope's Christmas CD!!

A summary of the reformation

Particularily in England, but applicable to all the schisms.

Catholic V. Protestant Kitsch

BING BING BING

weeeeeeeelcome to the 2010 Kitsch Off, friends!
Today in a match par-excelawnsss, the Kitsch of the Catholics and the Protestants will be pitted head to head in a prophets-of-ba'al-mount-carmel-sense and we will see who's God or who's book wins!

ROOUUUUNNNDDD OOONNNNEEEE

The Catholics open with a nice cross-stiched Immaculate Heart...

oooooOOOOOh!! But they're wolluped back into place with a Chick tract! What's this? Oouch! The Catholics are nursing their bruised egos but---

LOOK OUT!! They've just cut up the prots with a Holy Card of Purgatory---it's safe to say this round is won by the Catholics


CATHOLICS 1 PROTESTANTS 0

ROUND TWO

The Protestants will have to really send 'em flying to make back the lost ground and---have they----yes----yes they have!!!

THE BIBLE ON AN AMERICAN FLAG!! CAPATALIST JESUS BUSTS A CAP IN THE CATHOLIC'S ASSES---they've almost got a full K.O.---

The Catholics try to fight back with a flock of Guadaloupes but it's no use!! The prots are getting ready for the big whammy---

OOOOOOOHHHH!!! And the "with you always" Eucharistic cop-out leaves the Catholics spinning! Can the Catholics recover from such a nasty blow?

CATHOLICS 1 PROTESTANTS 1

ROUND THREE


OH! AND THAT'S QUITE THE BLOW TO THE CATHOLICS ONCE MORE! Martin Luther as a Holy Spirit filled Doctor of the Church, looks like the Prots are hitting the Catholics where they live...the Catholics are looking shakey....but what's this? A COMBONATION MOVE!



FATIMA-PRAUGE-AMERICA!!! Look at those Prots sway on their feet, they try to hit the Romans back...

Did they just call the Romans the Whore of Babylon?! But the Catholics are already prepared and---

BING-BANG-BOOM FOOT OF SAINT JAMES JUST LIKE THAT THE KITSCH OFF IS OVER! THE PROTS ARE K.O.'D!!!

CATHOLICS 2 PROTESTANTS 1

What am I looking at?

Ok, so yesterday at the store that I love so much I saw...wait for it...an Ecce Homo music box.

So, I google image search for it, right? And SURPRISE it's a whole kitchy series that are in life size.
Let's take a look.



this is what was on the music box. Also a ring of baby heads around the bottom.

If anyone knows like...the story behind these (in my humble opinion) monsters lemmie know down in the comments.

Only Catholics

Can out-shine Lady Gaga

I am in love with pictures of Holy Week processions. The statues are usually actually beautiful but SURPRISE leave it to us to slap some weird costume on the people.

That's why I love us. Well, that and a couple other reasons (one of the rhymes with "he-jus")


Can't read my! Can't read my! No you can't read my Poker Face!