presented without comment

Oh.

This would be enough to make St. Therese bitchy.

Down the Rabbit Hole!

Down the rabbit hole and through the looking glass it's time for your daily dose of crazy!

So as I was attempting to find some pretty pictures of Our Lady (as I am wont to do.) on google I discovered a picture of Our Lady of La Salette with the pope on the other side and I thought "hey I run a bitchy blog lets see what this is"

If you thought the obsessed-with-the-third-secret-of-fatima gang were scary....

Listen, I'd love to be all up into Catholic conspiracy theories like the real pope in hiding in Italy or that the third secret was never revealed or that Fr. Corapi is an alien (or something, what the hell happened there any way?) but I just don't have time.  But these people...ok I'll just pop some quotes down here

"The 1944 Holy Ghost/holy spirit Judeo-Masonic Sacramental curse and the androgynous effects were taking off in WWII and further provoked by Masonic government propaganda"


"Judeo-Masonic Anti-Pope John Paul II actually did this in a little known ceremony in March, 2004: Obeying the command of this April 21, 2010 Third Secret, John Paul II transfers remains of St. Peter from the Vatican to Fatima in a symbolic admission that the Vatican no longer has the Apostolic Authority."

Did you know that praying the 5 "Our Father's" is actually Satanic?  I guess that Jesus fellow and His writing prayers was severely misguided since He didn't listen to Our Lady of Fatima.

"This woman is not Sr. Lucy, but a phony Sr. Lucy that was implanted and specially picked to serve the purpose of the false Fatima line and the Vatican II religion that has been foisted on the world since the Fuentes interview. In addition to the photographic evidence, the fact that the post-Vatican II “Sr. Lucy” is not the real Lucy screams out all over the place."

I'M IN HEAVEN!  God I love crazy people!  Is this Kitsch?  I don't even know, it might be too much to be kitsch who knows, who cares this is HILARIOUS!

God bless the internet.

Another reader submitted entry!

I can't help it that I'm so popular.  My beauty is a curse.

Here is what dear reader Jessica said about this blog's motto which I hastily translated in google.

I thought I'd take it upon myself to let you know that Google Translate and similar tools are awful at translating English into Latin. They tend to give up on certain words, like "can" in "Si vos can loco niteo in is , loco niteo in is". Didn't even try to translate the darn thing. As a lover of Latin, mottoes, and snark, allow me to humbly submit a revised translation: Si ponere flavitem potes, pone flavitem. "Loco" means "place", as in Rome. Ponere is the verb that means "to place" or "to put". And "niteo" literally means "I glitter" which isn't at all what I think you meant, so I replaced it with a noun form, "flavitas" which means "shiny goldenness". The "on it" bit can be left out entirely, because mottoes as a rule are succinct and Latin has a lovely way of intimating things. Literally translated, what I've written would say "If you can put glitter [on it], put glitter [on it]." I hope this doesn't come off as pedantic or nitpicky, but when one takes four years of Latin in Catholic high school, then goes out into the world, one jumps at chances to actually use this random and seldomly useful knowledge. 


I am not drunk enough to understand a word of what I just read.
But thanks for the help!  It's appreciated! I'll be copyin' and pastin'!

Why does this exist?

This comes to us from reader Laura from Germany.

Somewhere in the world.  Someone thought "hey you know what'd be cool?" and no one stopped them from completing the task.

A Clean Reader Submitted Entry!

This is from the very funny Maureen who first calls this
"Latavio Divino"
(I actually died when I read that.)

Because you should really pray in the shower.

Scripture soap!

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

"Whey Better Farm is excited to introduce the newest addition to our line of soaps: scripture soap. If you are one who loves the Bible you know that there is always the great desire to share this love with others. I myself wondered how to possibly incorporate the Word of God into the work of my hands: my soap. One day I had an idea of burying a Bible verse into a bar of soap so that God's Word could offer words of hope, comfort and challenge to people as it has to me. And thus, scripture soap was born. After a bit of trial and error in perfecting the technique I discovered a way to do just that. Now I am offering these unique soaps here. As of yet and to my knowledge there are no other soaps like these in the world! These bars of soap each contain a unique line from scripture embedded in the middle of them. There are over 100 different verses so it is unlikely that anyone would ever get the same verse twice. They make a very thoughtful gift because they remind us to always keep what is the most important before us: God."

Rub the Word of the Lord on your ass, thanks to Whey Better Farm!

Also there is a kind of soap that has beer in it.

http://www.bemadeclean.com/scripture-soap.html

Thanks Maureen!

My Latest Video

Guys look I made this.

Merry Kitschmas.

Have a good one, sinners!

I can't believe I missed it!

With exams and essays and a new puppy it totally slipped my mind that the Queen of Kitsch's feast day was a couple of days ago.
Allow me to make up for it!

Do you want her on a rug?!

Get her on a rug!

Do you want her on a terrible painting?

Get her on a terrible painting!

Do you want her on a watch?

Get her on a watch!

Want her on a quilt?

Get her on a quilt!

Ok, you get the idea.  Hope you all enjoyed your Our Lady of Guadalupe tacos and guacamole.  

But here is the Thing de Resistance.

Once her husband being buried upside down in your yard has gotten your house sold, it's time to freshen up with some non-magic magic Mary soap!

My dog

So as some of you know, I got a dog.  That's why I'm never on here any more since I've got more things to shake sticks at than sticks to shake.
But to make up for it: Here's some pictures of my puppy Joey!

Reader Submitted Racism!

This comes from Judy

Hi Frank,
I went to a bazaar at a neighboring church with my grandmother and mom, 
and felt compelled to share this one with you. Happy New Year!
Judy

Oof.  Ok, let's get started.  

1) Please note the gender-neutral character behind the girl with the pigtails.  In 10 years she will be in an "intentional community" as Sister Patty of Our Lady of Social Justice.

2) What has happened in Asia that has caused both of these poor children's livers to quit and give them worse jaundice than the whole cast of The Simpsons?

3) I think that black kid was an after thought.  Considering he is just sort of tagged onto the edge of the group, has blonde hair is is just coloured in with black ink.

I haven't seen anything this racist since this Christmas video from last year.

Investigative Journalism

On Saturday the 26th I went to visit my Spiritual Adviser, Sister Marguerite of Jesus at the Carmel of St. Joseph  and it was the loveliest day of my life.

Here we are with her dog:

I'm the one in blue, if you couldn't tell.

Anyhow, I could tell you all about the wonderful things but that's not why you're here is it?!

THE GIFT SHOP.  Sorry, "Shoppe."

So the gift shoppe might not have been...exactly...open...when I went down there.  Because all the lights were off.  But listen, there's not much to do in a cloistered convent when you're alone and can't go chill with the nuns because they're eating, ok?

Glow in the dark holy family.  They also had glow in the dark Mary, Jesus, O.L of Fatima, St. Christopher and St. Padre Pio.  

The St. Therese wall.  With the most horrifying "busts" of St. Therese I had ever seen. 

"After my death I shall let fall from Heaven a shower of Roses.  Then eat your soul"

Seriously SHE HAS NO EYES.

The statuary cabinet which had plastic statues of the usual.  St. Francis, Padre Pio, St. Christopher.  I bought some nice books and a new rosary but stayed clear of the plastic statue of Blessed JPII.

These are the lengths I go to for you, readers.  I broke into a gift "shoppe" run by nuns to take pictures of their plastic statues that glow in the dark.  Luckily Sister Marguerite didn't care.

"Did you go downstairs?"

"Yes...is that ok?"
(with a "the most obvious thing in the entire world" tone) "....yes" 

"Ok, I saw some stuff I like down there actually."
"Alright, good, I want to see what's down there it's been a while since I've gone."

GUYS NUNS ARE THE BEST.

Somewhere in the world

Somewhere in the world, a woman named Kim suggested this be on her tombstone.  And no one stopped her.  

I can't even begin to say anything about this.  It's just.  I can't.

Christ the King!

Behold Jesus! King of the circus!  Able to balance 3 crowns on His head and walk across a tightrope! 

And for His next trick He will balance 6 spinning chalices on 4 foot poles!

I'm a sucker for Nun humour.

Those with suicidal tendencies should maybe not watch

Uh...amber alert amber alter.  I really doubt those children are there because they want to be.  Seriously this has child molestation written all over it.
Oh, and you'll refer to your time before hearing this song as "the good ol' days" because it's never leaving your head. You're welcome.

Crazy people, ignore this

If I have any crazy people in my readership, prepare to no longer like me

Now listen.  I've been avoiding "The Third Eagle" for a while since I think he's insane in a not-cute way like you sometimes can find with Catholics on the internet.

However.

He's reached my shores now with all his rosary and scapular talk.

I wear a scapular.

I pray the rosary daily.

I still think this entire 12 minute video is a 40 foot well of crazy topped off with insanity with a cherry on top.


Even Our Lady of Mount Carmel is rolling her eyes at the moment.

Post is Unrelated

As some of you may, or may not, know this past June I had to have my poor little pug Percy put down, and just last week my best friend, my lab, Buddy had to be put down too. Anyway, long miserable story short and happy: I've picked my next dog.

Meet my pug puppy, coming home December 10

His name is Joseph, or Joey for short, after St. Joseph my patron (other than St. Therese.  Which I thought was an inappropriate name for a male dog.)

Another reader submitted entry!

I think this is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen, and I watch reality TV on a regular basis.

This comes from an anonymous Benedictine Monk, who I'm sure might end up in a little bit of trouble using the internet for judging when he should probably be somewhere praying or...I don't know...monking or something.

Anyway

According to him, this is a shop in Fatima (oh, boy I can see where this is going) where he states " the plan is you get cured of an ailment and leave a wax model of the cured part, yes that is what you think it is! There is obviously no curing male ailments unless they are under the counter!"

Ok, besides being a little witch crafty, and a little creepy, and a little on the rocky-horror side with the wax breast on display...and...wait what was I talking about?  Sorry, I got distracted by the dismembered wax body on display.

Thanks Brother *Secret Name*!