The Sainties: Category 5 Voting

The Sainty Awards is a little theme week here at Saint Kitsch in honour of our favourite Saints that make us swell with happiness God hasn't asked us to be them.

CATEGORY

Strangest Patronage

• St. Apolliana

Patron Saint of dentists, because she was martyred by having her teeth pulled out one by one.

• Saint Bona of Pisa

Patron Saint of Flight Attendants, because she operated a hotel.  Make the connection yourself, I certainly can't.

• St. Martin of Tours

Patron Saint of Geese.  After hiding in a flock of geese to prevent becoming bishop, they honked to reveal his where abouts.  I was unaware geese needed a patron, but hey.

• St. Drogo

Ugly people.

The Sainties: Category 4 Voting

The Sainty Awards is a little theme week here at Saint Kitsch in honour of our favourite Saints that make us swell with happiness God hasn't asked us to be them

CATEGORY

Ugliest Iconography

Do not think, Orthodox brethern, that you are immune to ugly representations just because you have fancier vestments and golden paintings!  You're nominated for some Sainties too...

• St. John the Baptist

For outstanding performance in a bucket

• St. Onouphrios

For outstanding performance in his role as Albus Dumbledore in "Harry Potter and the Day They All Forgot Their Pants"

• Saint Xiena

For her stunning role as Baba Yaga in "The Exorcism of Baba Yaga"

• St. Ignatious

Outstanding Performance Artist in "Glittery Clothes and the Screwed up Lion" marionette ballet, performed outside of Buckingham palace for the royal wedding. 




Vote down in the comments section, and if you have any other awful icons close to your heart, go ahead and write in!

The Sainties: Category 3 Voting

The Sainty Awards is a little theme week here at Saint Kitsch in honour of our favourite Saints that make us swell with happiness God hasn't asked us to be them.

CATEGORY
Best Dressed

(and be sure to click their names to see their wardrobe submission)

• Saint Michael the Archangel

Romanesque soldier attire, coupled with exclusive designer wings

• St. Teresa of Avila

Completing what would become the signature habit of the Carmelites, beautifully coupling earth tones with clever creams.

• Saint Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows

In a Hogwarts-esque uniform, this saint's fashion sense is positively magical

• Saint George

Medieval English knight's armor? Yes, please.

Vote down in the comments section, and if you have any other saints whose wardrobe beats a hair shirt any day close to your heart, go ahead and write in!

The Sainties: Category 2 Voting

The Sainty Awards is a little theme week here at Saint Kitsch in honour of our favourite Saints that make us swell with happiness God hasn't asked us to be them.

CATEGORY

Weirdest Event

And the Nominees Are...

• St. Padre Pio

Bilocation (appearing in 2 places at one time)

• St. Denis of Paris

Preaching post-decapitation, with severed head in hands.

• St. Joseph of Cupertino

Disobeying superiors by flying around all the time.  Literally.  In the air.

• St. Scholastica

Forcing family members to stay with you by causing a giant storm

Vote down in the comments section, and if you have any other WTF moments close to your heart, go ahead and write in!

The Sainties: Category 1 Voting

The Sainty Awards is a little theme week here at Saint Kitsch in honour of our favourite Saints that make us swell with happiness God hasn't asked us to be them.

CATEGORY:

Grossest Martyrdom

And the nominees are...

• Saint Lucy

having eyes gouged out of face

• Saint Lawrence

roasted alive

• Saint Agatha

forced mastectomy (having breasts cut off)

• Saint Bartholomew

skinned alive

Vote down in the comments section, and if you have any other disgusting martyrdom's close to your heart, go ahead and write in!

Readers, Come and Vote!

Starting this Sunday, August 21st we'll be holding...

THE SAINTIES

This is a Sainty Award.

what are The Sainties you ask?  They're like an oscar, or a golden globe, or an emmy, or the ultimate grand supreme crown for sugar plum dumplin's child beauty pageant.  

The categories are as follows

• 
  
• Grossest Martyrdom
• 
  
• Weirdest Event
• 
  
• Best Dressed
• 
  
• Ugliest Iconography
• 
  
• Strangest Patronage
• 
  
• Most Bizzare Mortification
• 
  
• Kitschiest Representation 

For the next 4 days until Sunday, I'll be announcing the Categories and their Nominees.  You can vote for your favourite in the comments section, or even write in your own favourite if they're not in the nominees.  If you're unable to comment, please just email me at the address at the top corner of the page (under "show me your junk.")  PROMOTE THE SAINTIES!  SPREAD THEM LIKE SWINE FLU!!

Another Reader Submitted Entry

Another one from the devoted and IRL friend Christian Hegele.

I've never seen something online that has physically caused me to recoil in myself...i feel like i just watched the exorcist straight through sitting in a dark basement.


A rapper....singer...who looks like the Lord...singing (..."singing") performing quite possibly what might be the very very very very very very very VERY worst thing on the internet.  Period.  Case closed.  And the kitchy infant of Prague dress coupled with the toddlers and tiaras tiara....it's too much.  I recommend NOT watching this if you want to move on with your life.

Sunday Best

Nothing too fancy here today, but a very beautiful little interview with a future saint





I will never understand, well i will one day after im dead, why it is that those who labour heavily for all kinds of money, vacations, big houses, fancy clothes and cars and all that, the "right job", an active sex life etc. etc. never seem as happy as a little nun.
Anyway, get your ass to mass.  why are you still on the internet?

Strong Black Woman

Singing a terrible, terrible song about Bl. JPII.


....*sigh*....when will death come?

Another one of those gold stars if you can sit through all 4:11.

I'm feeling bitter.

I haven't mentioned in a while just how much I hate this movie. Like. There are no words. It turns a suffering servant of God into this:

A store manquin, nothing more or less.  If you like bad movies, watch it.  If you like Saint Therese watch this one instead:

Happy Feast of St. Clare!

Founder of the Poor Clares...

General Bad-ass

(i.e. one of my favourite stories EVER about a Saint, Muslims invading in the crusades, she grabs the monstrance with the Host in it and parades it around and basically knocks the invaders out just by the sight of our Lord.  Yes. Please.)

And most recently...

Patron of TV....

Blind and on her deathbed, Clare was able to witness the Mass on her cell wall, thus prophesying EWTN and Mother Angelica.  Uh...thanks? Clare...

Dear St. Clare,

Being that you are in charge of all things to do with TV, please grant me this favour.  A 24 hour Toddler's and Tiaras only network.  You're the bomb.  Love, Frank.

This happened to me the other day

8:00 Daily Mass at the church near my house

"Good morning."
"Good morning, Father."
"Our opening hymn is number XYZ, "Morning has broken."

This was the opening "hymn"...for the holy sacrifice of the Mass....4 Masses in a row.

My reaction:

I need a new parish.

Not in Any Way Related to Kitsch

But this is my next short film due out sometime in September, nothing to do with Catholicism in any way, but this is my corner of the internet and if I want to put my movies next to these pink cheeked mary's, I will.

Run.

I know nun dolls are like classic Catholicism and there's more than one website out there mourning the loss of their production...but I'm sorry...

whoops how'd that last one get in there...guess I got mixed up.  Easy mistake.

Who ever keeps making these

STOP. IT.

YOUR STATUES DO NOT NEED WIGS.

(a song to go along with these terrible statues.)

Not really Kitsch

But I still have to share...

Internet Fulton Sheen Archives
http://www.fultonsheen.com/index.cfm

I. LOVE. THIS. GUY.  I've spent easily 4 or 5 hours today listening to him, being that im laying in bed with an injury.  If you can forgive my cheese, I bet the preaching of Jesus was like his, passionate with humour and dripping with a genuine love of God.  Anyway listen to at least ONE episode!

Get out of my life

Forgive me, but I feel the only caption appropriate for this image would be "And not a single f*ck was given that day."

LOOK AT IT.  LOOK. AT. IT.

Somewhere out there, the worst part of this story is, someone saw this and thought "that is so beautiful."

By the way, I just got a 4 foot statue of Our Lady of Grace for 50 bucks, regular price 150.  

Sunday Best

In keeping with the expose-zay on Detroit's kitsch factory  that this week has been, lets look at some of the stuff they had there that was actually super beautiful....ladies and gentlemen....i give you......

And yes, that's me in the reflections.

That's my mother beside me, p.s.

....no words...only SONG can express the feeling!

Is that a crown of thorns or a crown of caterpillars?

Look what else they had in Detroit!

There are upsetting statues of Jesus....and there are upsetting statues of Jesus.

Not even discounted

I dont even think they gave any money off of this Mary

Her hand is in a plastic bag for crying out loud, and you still want 55 dollars for her?